Yes, I would agree that the title of this post makes about as much sense as the current state of the affairs in our world. But hey, let's just press on.
During a conversation with my father earlier this week, I mentioned that I was thinking this self-isolation experience is a little bit like summer vacation from when I was in elementary school.
Back then, our summer holidays lasted 3 months, which, at the time, sounded like total bliss.
Three whole months to do stuff: family vacation, summer reading program in the library, swimming lessons, and various other activities to fill up the three months break from school.
However, I remember relishing the first couple of weeks, if not month, of the break. No school was the primary reason for joy, followed closely by the simple fact that the routine had changed. We could stay up a little later, and did not have to be up and out the door and on the way to school the following morning.
Our family usually took our 2 or 3 week vacation early in the summer, usually late June or early July. This provided another reason to be really excited at the start of the summer break; we had something to look forward to.
Then, once the family vacation was complete, things started to slow down a little bit, and by the end of the second month of summer holidays, a little bit of boredom was setting in. I never really felt like I was ready to go back to school, but my actions and my feelings were saying something different. Many times my mother, who also worked in a school and had the summers off, would rack her brain in effort to come up with activities for my sister and me to do. We were starting to feel cooped up in the house, and this led to some misbehavior (albeit mild). Ultimately, we were simply getting on each other's nerves. We would somehow get through the last couple of weeks of August, then thankfully start back to school. Back to routine.
For the first couple of weeks of isolation, distancing, whatever you want to call it, it's kind of new, almost exciting, particularly if you don't think about all the scary stuff. When the experience is fresh and new, people are a lot more enthusiastic and enjoying the "newness" of the whole thing.
Unfortunately, the newness wears off pretty quickly and suddenly everyone is in the latter stage of summer vacation, bored to tears, looking for something to do, and antsy about spending so much time at home. The shit part is that it still unclear as to when we get to restart our routines, however normal they may be.
The reason that I was mentioning this to my father was mainly due to his description of how things were going in his neighborhood, in his city. As the states are several weeks behind Europe with regard to the spread of this virus, many statesiders are still in that "first couple of weeks of summer vacation" phase. It hasn't yet gotten boring staying the whole day at home, and to some extent, many people stateside have yet to comprehend the severity of the whole situation, so they haven't quite gotten around to distancing themselves.
As for myself, a home office worker and a bit of a homebody, some of this isolation experience is really not that new. I am very used to the tools required to work from home, and have actually been a little surprised as I hear people relate their new experiences of working from home. Some people need a little time to adjust to the situation, to learn how to ignore the distractions of the household environment, etc. Others have little experience with remote conferencing, and suddenly, all at once people are having to learn something new. It is an interesting development.
For sure, the forced cessation of activity has given me a little more free time, and this potentially can be a good thing. However, it is a little difficult to keep the mind clear of all the uncertainty flying about. Fortunately, I quickly remember that EVERYONE is going through a very similar situation and this solidarity is comforting in a way.
Now, I am not about to start making whipped coffees at home, and even if I did I would not feel inclined to post a photo of it, but still, I appreciate that people are getting on with things as best as they can. If they choose to express themselves in such fashion, fair enough.
Although I am not spending hours on the internet looking for the next funny photo or video of yet another grocery store shelf empty of toilet paper, I do come across a few humorous bits from time to time, usually shared with me from a friend. And, for what it worth, I do enjoy the chuckle. So, thanks Pablo, particularly.
Meanwhile, as I always have done, I do seek out the humor in the situations, and while it is particularly challenging to do this presently, I make sure to find something each day that helps bring some balance and peace.
Sometimes these things can be very small. I was watching a program the other night and one of the characters used the word "dip-shittery," and I had to laugh out loud. The context was perfect, and I actually tried to work that word into a conversation later on in the week.
A couple of weeks ago, right after my last blog post, I was thinking about how much I was enjoying peaceful sleeping and the dreams that accompanied the sleep. The very next night, my dream involved me roaming the M Streets late at night. In my dream, I had a call of nature, and somehow elected to use the facilities at the next house I came to. I found a backdoor unlocked, slipped inside, and was quietly doing my thing when a couple of young children peeked around the corner of the hallway. Well, the two kids were Buffy and Jody from "Family Affair," and as unusual as that seemed, I went ahead and pleaded with them to be quiet, as I was just borrowing their house as a rest stop and would continue on my way.
Instead, they both screamed loudly, and their grandfather suddenly appeared, and it was Robert De Niro, understandably wearing a bathrobe and looking none too pleased. He chased me down the street, encouraged by his cheering grandchildren, and I logically headed for Goliad, thinking it was the safest haven in the vicinity.
Mr. De Niro was in character, a mix of Taxi Driver and Midnight Run, with an unfortunate extra helping of Cape Fear. It was this last character that changed my mind; for a couple of blocks as he ran after me, I had been considering stopping to ask for his autograph.
It was then that I woke up, and actually had to get out of bed and say "holy socks holy socks" for a few minutes, just to try to calm myself down. It has been a long time since I have dreamt so vividly.
The following morning as I made my coffee, I actually laughed to myself, "Whew, that was close."
A little surreality goes a long way, but a few days later I got a the unfortunate news that my brother in law's mother had passed away from the virus in Valencia. As I reached out to the family, my sister commented on the fact that it was so surreal, how quickly things developed. My heart, my thoughts, and prayers go out to my Spanish family, along with my special memories of a woman who welcomed me into her life as a family member. Comforting to me, in a way, is that she is now probably having a Limon granizado with my own mother.
The tragedy of all of this is not over, and we will all likely experience more moments of sadness, uncertainty, as well as positive thoughts of how we go forward. Like everyone, I have friends who have already lost their jobs because this situation, and the future is unclear. As Joe Strummer said, the future is also unwritten.
For me, this means that I will continue to have ups and downs. My latest down came just a couple of days ago on the 1st of April, ironically a fool's day.
The work day had been particularly frustrating and unproductive, and I was in a really lousy mood, and struggling to understand why I still care about the job (as I am already laid off), but when suddenly at 16h on Wednesday afternoon my work laptop accounts were deactivated, I just about flipped out. It was too much.
It took me a few frantic hours to get things resolved, and I found out that the company IT department had me slated for 1st of April deactivation as opposed to 1st of May, one month too early. An honest mistake, and considering the current environment, somewhat understandable.
I tried to convince myself of this later that evening as I was still really worked up, overwhelmed by way too much emotion and thoughts of the past weeks. In college, I borrowed an album title from Carter USM and made it my own Bryan's Smart Circus, a way of venting at the complete madness of life in general. I don't listen to Carter much anymore, but maybe I should.
Any rate, I lived through a rather unpleasant Wednesday evening wrapped up in my own dark thoughts and that resulted in a horrible sleep, thankfully without nasty dreams but unfortunately without much sleep.
But I have to take it as it comes, and acknowledge that there will be some days that are not so great.
Thursday morning, order was slightly restored, and I looked forward to my little trip to the supermarket, where I actually had a rather pleasant experience. Other shoppers did not look nearly as fearful as they had the previous week, and as a small bonus, I was able to buy some paper towels, which I had been needing.
I checked my mailbox as I arrived back home, and found that I had a Christmas Card waiting for me.
As I say repeatedly, it is always a delight to get mail, and this particular card was just a few days late, but welcome all the same, and it came at precisely the moment it was most needed.
And here is a bit of irony for you, to bring this piece to a close. The whole card is positive energy, from the smiling family on the front with the greeting, "It's a wonderful life," to the inside, where each family member has an update, in great McKee fashion.
And on the back of the card?
Can't wait to see what 2020 has in store!
Stay healthy, stay safe, and find those happy thoughts.
keep the faith
bryan
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