Once again, it has been an action packed week, packed with plenty of frustrations and a heck of a lot of chaos. We are starting a new project at work that I will be actively involved in. Things have not gotten off to a particularly stellar start, and I allowed my frustrations to get the better of me early on in the week.
One of our customers is expanding their sales into Germany and has an aggressive target for "go live."
While this is nothing new, I found myself getting really worked up about things, particularly since my sales colleagues (and various other colleagues) have said yes to a whole lot of things that are actually beyond our control.
Again, this is nothing new. In my line of work, it has ALWAYS been this way. Everything ends up falling on the ops guy, who happens to be me. For the next couple of days, I was in a funk and couldn't stop asking myself why people kept throwing me under the bus.
During my lunch break Tuesday afternoon, I watched a video of my cousin's recent sermon. My cousin has just started a new appointment in a church in Saint Louis, and it's a bit of a new challenge for him. He had been at his last appointment for 11 years, and his new church has a bigger membership. He had to move out of his old house, move into the new house, and get started in the new role at his church: the sermon I viewed was only his second week there. That is a lot to happen all at once.
Andy's message had a lot to do with being put into uncomfortable situations. Later that evening, I had a chance to put things in perspective. My cousin, like all gifted ministers, used personal experience and common everyday examples in his sermon. Moving house is never an easy task, and one that few people look forward to, but from time to time you have to do it.
I thought about my current challenges with the job, and realized that part of my frustration was simply getting pushed into a new, uncomfortable situation. Even though I am familiar with the upcoming tasks, I do not like being forced to move faster than I feel is realistic (cautious) to accomplish something, and I really do not like working with other individuals who made decisions in effort to please the customer rather than try and understand the reality. To me, this always means that we are setting ourselves up for failure, or at least, not achieving optimal results.
For the rest of the week, I tried to focus on what was really driving me nuts. During the evenings, I got interested in a Danish-Swedish crime series, one that involves a detective who has Asperger syndrome. Like most other Nordic productions, it is slick, dark, and gripping. The detective is extremely competent: by the book and very thorough. However, she lacks a lot of social skills, which presents conflict between herself and her colleagues, as well as with suspects and other people she is in contact with. Because of her lack of emotion, she does not always understand why people react negatively to her comments.
My awareness of this disorder has really grown. I have read up on the subject, and am somewhat glad that a dramatic television series has helped raise this awareness. While I fully respect the seriousness of Asperger syndrome, there are some humorous moments that come up in the series, because of the circumstances.
For example, in one episode the detective has to speak with a distraught parent about a kidnapped child, and rather than try and comfort the parent with hope, she ends up bluntly stating that the likelihood that the child is already dead is very high.
The partner of the detective tries to assist her with her tact, suggesting that she thank her colleagues for their efforts, etc. He goes on to suggest that she try and personally interact with them, which prompts her to join a group having a coffee break and state matter of factly, "I got my period today."
This became rather awkward for the other colleagues, who did not really know how to respond.
As you can imagine, the detective struggles to understand why other colleagues don't approach the job like she does, why they aren't willing to work nonstop through the night, etc.
I recognized some similarities in my own professional situation. I, too, get frustrated when colleagues don't do things "my way," and the more I thought about it as the weekend approached, I realized that this was driving a lot of my anger.
The fear and anxiety with the work project is coming from not only me not wanting to let the side down, but also because I don't like being told what to do, especially when the instructions are to implement a plan that I did not have a part in developing, and one that seems unrealistic and destined for failure. Why? Because I have the feeling that I am being held responsible for something that is outside of my control.
What do I do about it?
Well, for starters, I reminded myself just how capable I am as a professional. My efforts and experience have got me to this point, and even though the past months have been a little quiet on the job front, with too little to do, I reminded myself that having to kick into gear sometimes means that you have to accelerate much faster than you'd like. However, the contrast here has more to do with the fact that things were simply so slow during the first half of the year. Suddenly having to go at full speed is a bit of a shock.
My mother always stated that she felt like she had been shot out of a cannon when waking up in the morning. She was not what people would call a "morning person," one that could awaken and start the day with fresh zeal. This was particularly noticeable when compared to my father, who tends to rise early, get in a workout at the YMCA, read the paper, do the tax returns, schedule 5 appointments, then have breakfast. All before 7h30.
My parents were always aware of this difference and often laughed about it. More importantly, they learned to live with the difference. Maybe saying that the embraced the challenge is a bit of a stretch, but I'll still use the example.
Rather than getting irritated with my colleagues approach the task differently than me, I will rise to the challenge, and embrace it. In short, rather than allow myself to be thrown under the bus, I will slide into the driver seat and take a bit more control. And accept what comes. With joy, with anticipation, and with excitement.
Sure, right now it is not so comfortable, but as it gets more familiar, it will once again become easier.
Effortless mastery in action. Why not?
see you out there
bryan
Monday, July 22, 2019
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Bad Karaoke and Squeaky Sambas
After my last post, I spent the Saturday evening watching a couple of movies that I first saw as a teenager back in the 80s. I came across Conan the Barbarian as I flicked through the available stuff in Netflix and ended up watching it all the way through. Afterwards, feeling the need for something to stimulate my mind, I made it a double feature night and proceeded to watch Driving Miss Daisy.
I have always had a tendency towards extreme contrasts. If I happen to watch a movie that absolutely scares the shit out of me, I immediately watch something like Brother Bear or Finding Nemo to help bring the warm fuzzies back. Even though my record collection is filled heavily with a lot of punk and darker rock and roll, I am able to (rather happily) have an in depth conversation about the compositions of Rodgers and Hammerstein at any time. And I am certainly not the only person who finds need for something a little salty (like peanuts or potato chips) after eating a really sweet dessert.
On Sunday morning, I woke up thinking, "Gee, I probably could have waited another 30 years before watching Conan, but why did I wait so long before watching Driving Miss Daisy?"
Interestingly enough, back in high school, I can't remember anyone admitting that they saw the Oscar winning picture, but EVERYONE had seen Conan. In fairness, I can recall standing around at a punk show in a local club, wearing a Clash t-shirt and electing NOT to bring up the fact that I had watched The Sound of Music the previous evening.
At any rate, I have spent this past week thinking about contrasts, particularly musical contrasts. I continue to work on some songs where I am adding vocals. Last month, I sat down and listed all the songs that I felt like I wanted to experiment with. Almost all of them are songs that I first heard (and loved) back in the 80s, and over the years I have played around with a piano interpretation of the original song. True, with several, the original was also played on piano, but in a couple of cases, the artist did a piano adaptation a few years after the original was released.
Rather than attempting to find the original sheet music, I learn the basics by ear; listening to the song over and over again. Sometimes I scratch out a chord progression first, then adapt as I play around with the melody. This is a fairly standard approach, and completely different from how I play pieces that are more classical (and without lyrics), where I stick with the original notation.
It is a very fulfilling experience, playing a piece by ear. Sometimes I will change the tempo, playing faster (or slower), and other times I will change the octaves. Every once in awhile, I will change the key, and this has been particularly relevant when adding vocals. However, I recognize my vocal range, and like to stick to the original key when possible. This can be a little limiting, especially since my voice is kind of deep.
Because I apply a certain element of improvisation to the songs, I do not always play something the same way (with the same notes) each time. I play around with a piece for a while, then listen to some of the recordings, then gradually settle on a sort of final version.
Then, I start working on the vocals, which, in my case, requires a lot of focus, and a shitload of reminders from Kenny Werner; "Every note you sing is the most beautiful sound in the world."
I got thrown off track (literally) this week when listening to a couple of my recent tracks. One track that I had hastily recorded the day before really stood out as a prime example as to why karaoke is never a good thing. I was standing on my balcony, cup of coffee in hand, listening and thinking, "Geez, who the hell is singing that?"
It was if Grape Ape and Baby Huey had a small skirmish before entering the studio to sing.
I laughed out loud, then reminded myself of a few important words of wisdom. First, the mental note to work on pitch. Second, it's all easy, but not familiar. As it becomes more familiar, it gets even better. Third, it's all about perception. If you tell yourself that it sucks, then it will suck. Fourth, another mental note: close the windows in the living room before recording vocal. At least there won't be the sound of a passing motor scooter in the background.
Home studio recording is still a work in progress for me. Recording piano is very straight forward, as I can send the audio output directly to a mixer/recorder. Vocals are more challenging, and even though I have some quality equipment, it is quality equipment set up in a living room. My flat is a grown up version of my place at Little Goliad, and both places are not unlike a college dorm room of someone with a little more money. I suspect that the Erhebungsbeauftrager (yep, that one is really fun to say out loud) who came by to collect some information earlier in the week for the microcensus was thinking about that when he glanced at the Smiths poster on my wall.
The microphone in my living room is next to the piano, and connected to a small mixer, which connects to a computer. I make it work, and am satisfied with the current set up, all the while knowing that I would love to have the space and the funds for something a bit more extravagant.
On the other hand, I hold the belief that the skill lies with the individual; anything else can only serve to complement. For example, a guitarist with minimal experience can play the finest Martin guitar available, and still sound inexperienced. True, the quality of the sound produced might be better (probably a lot better) but it will not make the player a professional.
I consider myself more skilled in playing piano than singing, but I enjoy both activities. Due to my interest in doing (spoken) voice-over work at some point in my future, I am actively getting to know my voice better, and that includes the singing. Hence, the recent(-ish) time spent playing rockstar at home.
On top of that, I am learning just a little bit about the finer points of sound engineering. Again, it's unfamiliar, and will only get easier as it goes along. This week I decided to bring out my new Sambas, which had been sitting in their shoe box for the past couple of years, waiting to be worn. I'd actually forgotten about them until I discovered them at the bottom of the closet.
Like with a lot of new shoes, they squeak; something I discovered immediately after putting them on and walking around on my hardwood floors. This made for some rather interesting additions to one of the vocal tracks. I was both extremely impressed by the quality and sensitivity of my microphone, but equally irritated that currently anyone can hear me walking from a good 10 meters away.
But, if these are the kind of problems that I am going to have, I can live with it. After all, they are solvable problems.
The rest comes down to perception, and again, I take the time to reaffirm a few concepts:
It's the best sound in the world.
Don't try so hard.
It only gets easier as it becomes more familiar.
One of the best things that came from all this adventure (ie..Grape Ape walking in a rainstorm) is that I was able to key in on a couple of improvisational music passages that I had been struggling with, and I am really pleased on how they have improved.
It's almost effortless.
see you out there
bryan
I have always had a tendency towards extreme contrasts. If I happen to watch a movie that absolutely scares the shit out of me, I immediately watch something like Brother Bear or Finding Nemo to help bring the warm fuzzies back. Even though my record collection is filled heavily with a lot of punk and darker rock and roll, I am able to (rather happily) have an in depth conversation about the compositions of Rodgers and Hammerstein at any time. And I am certainly not the only person who finds need for something a little salty (like peanuts or potato chips) after eating a really sweet dessert.
On Sunday morning, I woke up thinking, "Gee, I probably could have waited another 30 years before watching Conan, but why did I wait so long before watching Driving Miss Daisy?"
Interestingly enough, back in high school, I can't remember anyone admitting that they saw the Oscar winning picture, but EVERYONE had seen Conan. In fairness, I can recall standing around at a punk show in a local club, wearing a Clash t-shirt and electing NOT to bring up the fact that I had watched The Sound of Music the previous evening.
At any rate, I have spent this past week thinking about contrasts, particularly musical contrasts. I continue to work on some songs where I am adding vocals. Last month, I sat down and listed all the songs that I felt like I wanted to experiment with. Almost all of them are songs that I first heard (and loved) back in the 80s, and over the years I have played around with a piano interpretation of the original song. True, with several, the original was also played on piano, but in a couple of cases, the artist did a piano adaptation a few years after the original was released.
Rather than attempting to find the original sheet music, I learn the basics by ear; listening to the song over and over again. Sometimes I scratch out a chord progression first, then adapt as I play around with the melody. This is a fairly standard approach, and completely different from how I play pieces that are more classical (and without lyrics), where I stick with the original notation.
It is a very fulfilling experience, playing a piece by ear. Sometimes I will change the tempo, playing faster (or slower), and other times I will change the octaves. Every once in awhile, I will change the key, and this has been particularly relevant when adding vocals. However, I recognize my vocal range, and like to stick to the original key when possible. This can be a little limiting, especially since my voice is kind of deep.
Because I apply a certain element of improvisation to the songs, I do not always play something the same way (with the same notes) each time. I play around with a piece for a while, then listen to some of the recordings, then gradually settle on a sort of final version.
Then, I start working on the vocals, which, in my case, requires a lot of focus, and a shitload of reminders from Kenny Werner; "Every note you sing is the most beautiful sound in the world."
I got thrown off track (literally) this week when listening to a couple of my recent tracks. One track that I had hastily recorded the day before really stood out as a prime example as to why karaoke is never a good thing. I was standing on my balcony, cup of coffee in hand, listening and thinking, "Geez, who the hell is singing that?"
It was if Grape Ape and Baby Huey had a small skirmish before entering the studio to sing.
I laughed out loud, then reminded myself of a few important words of wisdom. First, the mental note to work on pitch. Second, it's all easy, but not familiar. As it becomes more familiar, it gets even better. Third, it's all about perception. If you tell yourself that it sucks, then it will suck. Fourth, another mental note: close the windows in the living room before recording vocal. At least there won't be the sound of a passing motor scooter in the background.
Home studio recording is still a work in progress for me. Recording piano is very straight forward, as I can send the audio output directly to a mixer/recorder. Vocals are more challenging, and even though I have some quality equipment, it is quality equipment set up in a living room. My flat is a grown up version of my place at Little Goliad, and both places are not unlike a college dorm room of someone with a little more money. I suspect that the Erhebungsbeauftrager (yep, that one is really fun to say out loud) who came by to collect some information earlier in the week for the microcensus was thinking about that when he glanced at the Smiths poster on my wall.
The microphone in my living room is next to the piano, and connected to a small mixer, which connects to a computer. I make it work, and am satisfied with the current set up, all the while knowing that I would love to have the space and the funds for something a bit more extravagant.
On the other hand, I hold the belief that the skill lies with the individual; anything else can only serve to complement. For example, a guitarist with minimal experience can play the finest Martin guitar available, and still sound inexperienced. True, the quality of the sound produced might be better (probably a lot better) but it will not make the player a professional.
I consider myself more skilled in playing piano than singing, but I enjoy both activities. Due to my interest in doing (spoken) voice-over work at some point in my future, I am actively getting to know my voice better, and that includes the singing. Hence, the recent(-ish) time spent playing rockstar at home.
On top of that, I am learning just a little bit about the finer points of sound engineering. Again, it's unfamiliar, and will only get easier as it goes along. This week I decided to bring out my new Sambas, which had been sitting in their shoe box for the past couple of years, waiting to be worn. I'd actually forgotten about them until I discovered them at the bottom of the closet.
Like with a lot of new shoes, they squeak; something I discovered immediately after putting them on and walking around on my hardwood floors. This made for some rather interesting additions to one of the vocal tracks. I was both extremely impressed by the quality and sensitivity of my microphone, but equally irritated that currently anyone can hear me walking from a good 10 meters away.
But, if these are the kind of problems that I am going to have, I can live with it. After all, they are solvable problems.
The rest comes down to perception, and again, I take the time to reaffirm a few concepts:
It's the best sound in the world.
Don't try so hard.
It only gets easier as it becomes more familiar.
One of the best things that came from all this adventure (ie..Grape Ape walking in a rainstorm) is that I was able to key in on a couple of improvisational music passages that I had been struggling with, and I am really pleased on how they have improved.
It's almost effortless.
see you out there
bryan
Saturday, July 06, 2019
Turning Up the Heat...Again
Have you ever had a boss who says, "Hey, do NOT call me unless the building is on fire!" just before leaving on vacation?
When I arrived in Germany, I did not immediately grasp the concept "Urlaub means Urlaub."
I have made frequent references to this over the years and have gradually come to terms with it. At least, I better understand (with a bit of envy) that when people go on vacation, they switch off from work, leaving any concerns and job challenges behind them. At least, for the period that they are on holiday.
During my father's visit a couple of months ago, I really felt like I, too, was finally able to switch off from work, and, as you will recall from the recent posts, was able to simply enjoy my time on vacation. As I have seen photos posted from various friends who are on holiday in Thailand, Hawaii, South Carolina, Rhode Island, Idaho, Pennsylvania....just to name a few places, I hope very much that they all switched themselves off and enjoyed themselves.
Over the past couple of weeks, we have had really high temperatures here in Frankfurt, which is never something that I enjoy. But, we have to persevere (clothing is optional, especially if you work out of your house) and in fairness, it is not as if we are going through weeks and months of excessive heat. Instead, we go through a couple of days of 30-plus degrees (Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion makes this mid to high 90s), then the heat breaks and we get back down to something a lot more pleasant.
Last week utterly sucked, particularly last Sunday, but then on Monday things improved dramatically, and this whole week has been very nice. The temperatures definitely hovered around my summer sweet spot, which is probably a tad cooler than other folks might prefer, but to each his own, right?
All my living room windows are open, and combined with my open balcony door, I am able to get a little breeze that flows through the flat, much to my great enjoyment.
Tuesday afternoon, however, I started to smell something burning, and initially thought that a cigarette was smoldering on my balcony. But, the smoke was really acrid and is it grew stronger, I realized that things were a little more serious. Right about that time, I heard the first sirens from the fire trucks blaring. I peeked out my front window and saw trucks heading up Berger Strasse, seemingly stopping just around the corner from my flat.
Police were quickly on the scene, blocking off the street, and more and more trucks converged on what now was clearly a building on fire. The police tried semi-successfully to keep people from heading in the direction of the fire, and once again I was amazed at people's tendencies to rubberneck.
This went on for the next couple of hours, but fortunately the fire was extinguished fairly quickly. I did venture downstairs as things started to calm down, and ran into my friend and neighbor, Jens, who was not looking particularly thrilled.
During our brief conversation, he told me how his day had been going. Jens works in a little wine bar about 2 minutes away (on foot) from the front door of our apartment. It turns out that said wine bar is the building that burned, at least the back part where the courtyard of the establishment is.
Jens went on to explain that the owner (his boss) was currently away on vacation in Scotland and Jens was left in charge, and now had the burden of having to deal with the situation at hand.
"Did you call your boss?" I almost asked, then wisely refrained.
Now, to be clear, das Lokal is not a total write-off, not like what happened to the Greenville Avenue Bar and Grill back in 2010. In fact, Jens rallied the staff to help get things cleaned up and they are set to reopen (partially) later today. That is very good news, particularly to the staff, some of whom I'd spoken to during the course of the week; the inability of the place to open for business gave them a few nights free, which they used to gather in the pub.
It is not yet clear as to what caused the fire, but I am sure that more details will become available in the coming days. Meanwhile, the owner is still on holiday, and I just checked the weather forecast.
My sweet spot is set to continue.
see you out there
bryan
When I arrived in Germany, I did not immediately grasp the concept "Urlaub means Urlaub."
I have made frequent references to this over the years and have gradually come to terms with it. At least, I better understand (with a bit of envy) that when people go on vacation, they switch off from work, leaving any concerns and job challenges behind them. At least, for the period that they are on holiday.
During my father's visit a couple of months ago, I really felt like I, too, was finally able to switch off from work, and, as you will recall from the recent posts, was able to simply enjoy my time on vacation. As I have seen photos posted from various friends who are on holiday in Thailand, Hawaii, South Carolina, Rhode Island, Idaho, Pennsylvania....just to name a few places, I hope very much that they all switched themselves off and enjoyed themselves.
Over the past couple of weeks, we have had really high temperatures here in Frankfurt, which is never something that I enjoy. But, we have to persevere (clothing is optional, especially if you work out of your house) and in fairness, it is not as if we are going through weeks and months of excessive heat. Instead, we go through a couple of days of 30-plus degrees (Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion makes this mid to high 90s), then the heat breaks and we get back down to something a lot more pleasant.
Last week utterly sucked, particularly last Sunday, but then on Monday things improved dramatically, and this whole week has been very nice. The temperatures definitely hovered around my summer sweet spot, which is probably a tad cooler than other folks might prefer, but to each his own, right?
All my living room windows are open, and combined with my open balcony door, I am able to get a little breeze that flows through the flat, much to my great enjoyment.
Tuesday afternoon, however, I started to smell something burning, and initially thought that a cigarette was smoldering on my balcony. But, the smoke was really acrid and is it grew stronger, I realized that things were a little more serious. Right about that time, I heard the first sirens from the fire trucks blaring. I peeked out my front window and saw trucks heading up Berger Strasse, seemingly stopping just around the corner from my flat.
Police were quickly on the scene, blocking off the street, and more and more trucks converged on what now was clearly a building on fire. The police tried semi-successfully to keep people from heading in the direction of the fire, and once again I was amazed at people's tendencies to rubberneck.
This went on for the next couple of hours, but fortunately the fire was extinguished fairly quickly. I did venture downstairs as things started to calm down, and ran into my friend and neighbor, Jens, who was not looking particularly thrilled.
During our brief conversation, he told me how his day had been going. Jens works in a little wine bar about 2 minutes away (on foot) from the front door of our apartment. It turns out that said wine bar is the building that burned, at least the back part where the courtyard of the establishment is.
Jens went on to explain that the owner (his boss) was currently away on vacation in Scotland and Jens was left in charge, and now had the burden of having to deal with the situation at hand.
"Did you call your boss?" I almost asked, then wisely refrained.
Now, to be clear, das Lokal is not a total write-off, not like what happened to the Greenville Avenue Bar and Grill back in 2010. In fact, Jens rallied the staff to help get things cleaned up and they are set to reopen (partially) later today. That is very good news, particularly to the staff, some of whom I'd spoken to during the course of the week; the inability of the place to open for business gave them a few nights free, which they used to gather in the pub.
It is not yet clear as to what caused the fire, but I am sure that more details will become available in the coming days. Meanwhile, the owner is still on holiday, and I just checked the weather forecast.
My sweet spot is set to continue.
see you out there
bryan
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