Today Is Not the Best Day of My Life

The two days holiday I took last week to just sit in my flat and muck around was absolutely brilliant. I felt refreshed on Monday morning, coming off of a long long weekend. Part of my positive mood might be attributed to the fact that I ran into a really cool girl on Saturday night after my German class. She usually comes into the pub on Tuesdays, but she decided to pop in on Saturday night, and we ended up having another really good conversation.

The workweek was hectic like usual. Our new division president came in to tour the site, my customer came in to have a civil discussion, and I managed to keep visiting the gym, even doing a bit of cardio workout each time.

Tuesday brought another good evening sitting with Simone, and Wednesday night I watched the Germany-England football friendly. I did something silly and ordered several pairs of shoes from the US. That in itself isn't so silly, but the shoes are made in England. Unfortunately, I've been unable to locate a distributor on this side of the ocean, so I've got to give my money to some place in southern California, pay for shipping to Europe, and take the hit on the exchange rate. Leave it to me to find that my favorite shoes are really obscure.

During the week, I also talked with my sister and Moe from their vacation spot in Spain. That was a cool 15 minutes, albeit a bit expensive on mobile phones. We made plans to talk again on Saturday evening when they got home from the holiday.

I congratulated myself on being so productive Saturday afternoon. I'd jumped up in the morning, had a bit of breakfast, cleaned up the apartment, hit the gym, completed the shopping, and made it over to the pub to watch Arsenal play Man City. I really like to have these types of days where simple routine takes over.

Arsenal played well, as did City, but Fabregas scored a nice goal to give the win to the gunners. Greatly relieved, I paid up and had a quick chat with a few folks on the patio before heading back to my flat to prepare for my German class.

I expected Lynne to call at some point, so I was ready when the phone rang. I was surprised to hear my mom on the other end, and was immediately concerned. She was in tears.

"The news is not good. Lorie Fraizer has just died," she said.

My mother had sent an email indicating that Lorie had recently been having some respiratory problems, and the unfortunate suspicion was that she had PPH (Primary Pulmonary Hypertension), which is rare and serious. Lorie's sister Amy had this same illness in the past 10 years, and ultimately had a lung transplant. Indeed, a very serious condition.

I figured that things would be a challenge for Lorie, but assumed that, like her sister, she would recover to a point where she'd have a pretty normal life. However, it was most unfortunate that the doctor, during the medical examinations, discovered she was pregnant. The best thing to do for everyone, based on the circumstances, was to terminate the pregnancy. It was putting too much pressure on Lorie's lungs.

Well, Saturday morning at 6.30am, Lorie went in to labor, had a heart attack, and died.

My mom, upon hearing this news, phoned my sister, and then phoned me.

Mom, Dad, and I talked for a few minutes or so, and I asked how Lynne was. "She's very upset," responded my father.

After a few more emotional minutes, we ended the call, and I phoned my sister. We talked briefly, then Lynne said, "let's talk on Sunday," and passed the phone to Moe. Moe and I talked for awhile about the devastating news, all of which is still mind blowing.

All of this came between 7 and 8pm Saturday evening, mere hours after Lorie's death. At 5 minutes before 8, I sat out on my balcony in tears, just thinking about things. In a matter of minutes, my German teacher would arrive for class. I didn't know what to do.

I wasn't sure if I might just burst into tears or what, but Ninjaa and I sat down and I explained the recent events, in German. I went on to relate the facts: Lorie is my sister's oldest and closest friend. Lorie played on my football team in the states. I've known Lorie as a sister for about as long as I've known anyone. Lorie got married last year; a wedding that my sister jumped through hoops to be there for. Lorie was a super cool person who makes you feel like the world is going to be OK, despite all of the world's problems.

For the next two hours, we had an open conversation about death, friends, family, and life. My level of German was certainly not ready for this, but I scribbled many notes during the class, and at 10, we wrapped things up. Ninjaa mentioned that she hadn't been sure of what to do when she arrived to begin class, but she thought things went OK.

All of this was still hitting me, but I think the class helped. We headed next door for a pint, and found John, Isis, Ellen, and Derrick. We joined them out on the patio, and several other people came and went. It was rather a low key evening, as there was a festival in another part of the city that was drawing all the crowds. With the exception of Ninjaa, no one at the table had any idea about my sad news. I enjoyed being with everyone, I needed to be with everyone, but I found myself getting distracted from time to time as I thought about Lorie.

Everyone has their ways of dealing with tough news. I'm glad that I continued with my class and the personal wake that I held in memory of Lorie. If I were stateside, things would be different, and I am struggling with the isolation that I'm feeling at the given moment. I'm worried about my sister, who's in the same situation. We can talk to people here, but none of them know Lorie. Likewise, with the distance, it's not so easy for us to talk to those that were close to Lorie.

My parents seem very far away right now, and as they mourn Lorie and keep the Frazier family in their thoughts and prayers, I know that they're both thinking about my sister and me.

I'm doing the same thing from Frankfurt. I'm fondly remembering the family camping outings we took with the Fraziers years ago. I recall all the times that Lynne and Lorie would pal around together in youth group at church; both of them would always keep an eye on me, the younger brother.

I'm lucky that I've been able to become good friends with my sister's two closest friends. Initially, I found that a little unusual. Here I was seeing her friends all the time while she was in Spain. Moe and I saw countless movies and rock shows, and sampled margaritas all over Dallas. Lorie joined my football team quite a while back, and I was proud to have her on the pitch as a teammate and a friend. While Lorie was athletic, she was not a professional footballer, but she improved her skills season after season. Co-ed indoor soccer can be a real challenge, and during one rather tough season where we couldn't field enough females for our squad, she played as the sole girl. This meant that we played shorthanded, but Lorie continued the fight and spirit, even as the full strength opponent wiped us off the pitch.

Lorie and I had plenty of chats after football matches, usually out in the parking lot of the soccer center. We were always able to talk about family events, my dismal love life, and all the kinds of things you'd talk about with a sister. I was just lucky to have a sister on both sides of the ocean.

Life brings a lot of ups and downs, and I have to learn to live with all of it. At the same moment I rejoice at the birth of Benjamin Adams, I am saddened to learn of Scotty's latest challenge with cancer. There's always a lot going, a lot to think about, reason to celebrate, and reason to grieve. Through it all, the show must go on.

I'll spend today on my own, just reflecting, keeping thoughts of Lorie and the Frazier family close to my heart.

keep the faith
bryan