Right about this time last year, I had completed a couple of rounds of interviews and was soon to receive an offer to begin a new position. I obviously accepted the role, and since this past January have been a new team member.
I was prepared for a new challenges, new opportunities, and new excitement. I was not prepared for some of those things that would turn out to be beyond my control. I jumped in to things right from the start, and as I worked to integrate myself into the organization, I recognized situations and areas where I felt less sure of myself.
As spring came, I continued my efforts, but noticed more and more that I was not feeling like I was progressing how I had planned. As I neared the end of my first six months (Probezeit, as it is known in Germany), I was feeling really uncomfortable; I was having almost no success with any customer contact (cold calling), and that was a big concern, since my role as account manager requires this activity.
I took a day to formulate all my self assessments and prepared to reach out to my managers.
They beat me to the punch.
At the end of June, my manager phoned up and informed me that collectively, the organization was not prepared, not yet convinced, to issue a permanent contract to me, on the grounds that I had not progressed into the role as expected.
My manager was quick to point out that he recognized the external factors (pandemic, etc.) that made my probation period all the more difficult, and he also highlighted that, rather than just cutting ties with me, the company would extend a short term contract to me. A contract that would run until the end of October.
Although this was a bit of a kick in the teeth, I was feeling pretty much the same vibe. Had I been in their shoes, I would probably have done the exact same thing. After all, the whole point of the 6 months probation period is to make sure all parties are on the same page.
I was given a little improvement plan, which identified milestones which I would need to hit during the next 4 months. Again, their list and my list were almost identical; this was significant because we were more aligned than I had initially thought.
After receiving the news and signing the new short term contract, I took a day or two to dig deep, reflect, and pull myself together.
Sure, there was a fair amount of self doubt. This role was already moving me out of my comfort zone, which was exciting and scary as shit all at the same time.
It was the self doubt that bothered me the most, but as I took a few more days to reflect, that old spark kind of reignited.
Naturally, I turned to music for the motivation, and I will take a brief moment to thank Red City Radio, Bad Religion (particularly their album "Process of Belief"), the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Ben Folds, and of course, the Bouncing Souls for helping me put the soundtrack together to get myself psyched back up.
In truth, my biggest frustration was trying to get over one or two hurdles so that I could really start making things happen.
My father, as well as a few friends, did offer some kind, supportive words, as well as ears to listen to my frustrations and "get back on track" plan.
The circumstances in the community and the world (or at least Deutschland) helped: suddenly we had vaccination campaigns, things were opening up, and people in general were finding ways to get back to some sense of normalcy.
Getting out and about helped me remember how to build my self confidence. I got to play a little Clark Kent along the way, but the summer was pretty good.
Blaring the soundtrack in my head, I regained control of what I could control in the first place. I reminded myself that I could either think negatively or think positively, but only one of those streams would be productive.
True, I still have a strong desire to throw a hot cup of coffee on someone who says something like, "hey, let's turn that frown upside down!" but a lot of that has to do with my envy of particularly perky people.
The theme for the summer was very simple. No one was going to be able to say that I had not given my all during the remainder of my short term contract.
Besides that, the final decision was beyond my control.
So I got on with it. Music blaring, polished steel toes, and the constant reminder to myself "take it as comes, but make it happen" propelled me through the past few months, and it just felt right.
My working relationships with internal colleagues developed, my interaction with customers improved, and people started recognizing that I do know what I am talking about; I just do it Bryan style.
And that is a good thing.
One afternoon in September, I was speaking with a colleague in the UK, and he said something about my years of experience in business development. I corrected him, saying "no, not years, but rather months," to which he responded, "Wow, if you hadn't said anything, I never would have known. You come across as if you have been doing this all your career."
That felt good.
The following week, one of our customers reached out to me directly, which was another great step in the right direction; the relationship was developing.
As October started, I felt like I had been holding up my end of the agreement. I felt like I was finally making the progress that I had set out to do since day one. Slow starters do not always lose the race, as we know.
And since this is not a race, but rather a journey, it is all about just getting on with it. And make sure to have fun while you are doing it.
This past Tuesday, my boss called me to inform me verbally that I would receive my contact early next week. I am officially back on the team, and that feels good.
Next week, once I have the hard copy, I can contact the Arbeitsamt to give them the good news, and get myself off their radar.
It was kind of crazy few months, and despite holding myself to task, I did have a few anxious moments where the thoughts started wandering in the "what if?" direction. I had to accept those thoughts, but not let it knock me off track, and I am proud of myself for staying true. To me.
So I am going to enjoy the ride, keep the momentum going, and just keep on being Bryan.
see you out there
Bryan
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