Earlier this week I jotted down some notes about a possible topic I wanted to cover in this week's post. It had to do with a family trip to the Astrodome to see SMU play a football game. I will likely come back to the topic, but today it is being preempted in order to talk about the real excitement that I had this week.
It all started in the kitchen, harmlessly enough, and by that I mean, I am not sure exactly when it happened. In truth, I was not sure what happened. Sunday afternoon I cooked some chicken, and seem to remember slightly burning myself when I touched the skillet. Monday, I was putting something in the oven and apparently might have done the same thing. Neither incident was more than a "Dang, that was hot," before I quickly moved on to other more comfortable tasks.
Monday evening, however, I was chatting with some friends in the park, and started noticing that my left thumb was a little sore. I was aware of the thumb, but did not really think much more about it.
Tuesday afternoon came, and I was distracted by a little drama involving my German class. My teacher has been very upfront and open about her recent move to Berlin and all the hectic things that come with getting settled in a new city. In the class whatsapp group, a couple of students had already indicated that they would not be present, and about an hour before class, two other students had to cancel. The teacher quickly polled the rest of us, then elected to simply postpone the class due to not enough participants. In short, she has tried to adapt her schedule and our schedules. Most of us in the class are working full time, and despite the home office environment, it can be busy.
I actually did not see all the whatsapp messages until about 20 minutes before class, after having finished a rather busy work day myself. I quickly discovered that our classes for the week had been pushed out until next week. I had no issue with this. In fact, most of the students have never expressed any problem with this whatsoever.
Unfortunately, on this particular evening, one of the students did take issue, and started writing aggressive texts in the group requesting that the teacher take immediate action and get us a substitute. The teacher responded civilly and clearly, indicating that we would not lose our class time, and it was good to be a little flexible. Again, I should point out that no one in this virtual class is having to drive across town to get to their class. They simply login from their living room (where they likely have spent much of their working day already) and presto.
I took advantage of the evening by having an earlier dinner (as opposed to waiting until class was over) and sat down to watch a couple of hours of television. My thumb was starting to bother me, and I wondered if I had inadvertently sprained it during some of my exercising over the previous few days. I did not really think so, but I could come up with no other explanation.
Wednesday morning, I woke up early and made an effort to complete by workout before starting the work day. One of the advantages to home workout and home office is that I have a bit more flexibility with certain activities. Though I rarely do so, I could effectively finish a set before a conference call, then do the second after the conference call, and so on. Just knowing I have that option is cool for me.
This week is deadlift week, and I must say that jumping out of bed in the morning and going straight to the dumbbell rack to bang out the reps is not a thrilling idea. Thus, I try to give myself an hour or so before I launch into the activity. But, here is the dilemma. It is not as if I am getting up 2 or 3 hours before the work day. Typically, I might be up at 7.30, and will be online within 30 minutes. That is a little tight to get the workout in, get a shower, and get the day going.
So, this particular Wednesday was fortuitous, as not only did I get up earlier, I felt ready to get the deadlifts and other exercises (it was back day) completed quickly. I realized as I grabbed the dumbbells that I did not have the grip strength in my left hand, largely because my left thumb was suddenly almost twice the size of my right thumb.
About the time I realized how swollen it was, I started noticing the pain. Determined not to let it prevent me from getting the workout in, I persevered, got everything done, took a shower, then made my first coffee, and almost dropped the portafilter. For those of you who are not baristas, this part is where you put the coffee grounds, then put it into the machine so that the coffee comes through the filter. For those of you who have an interest in the German word for a portafilter, it is der Siebträger.
Wednesday was already a bit of an emotional day. It happened to be the date of my mother's birthday, and while I think of my mother at least daily, I choose to have extra special thoughts of her each year on the 28th of July. Furthermore, I tend to think about the fact that so many people who happened to know my mother are also remembering her birthday on that date. So all of us are thinking about her at the same time, and I really like that thought. I am feeling fuzzy right now as I write about it.
That being said, it made for a sentimental day, and there I was with a huge left thumb that was hurting like hell. I did manage to get the coffee made, and had just about convinced myself that I had not sprained my thumb, but instead somehow burned it, but still was not sure.
Around midmorning, my phone chirped with a message from my German teacher. Somehow, one of the students had complained to the language school, the school then contacted the teacher with the escalation, and the teacher abruptly quit. Her message, perhaps slightly more eloquently written, indicated that she was stepping away and she wished all of us good luck.
I immediately reached out to her privately, wincing as I typed with both thumbs. (No, Pablo, swiping would not have been any better...it was like playing golf with basketball instead of a golfball) My teacher responded with an audio message (gee..why did I not think of that), basically indicating that she felt hurt and insulted that the student had reacted in that way, and because of her current situation with the move, being away from family, and stuff, she elected not to put up with the additional headache.
I responded with words of support, and told her how sorry I was that this had happened. She acknowledged the kind words, and we agreed to stay in contact.
The whole incident was blown out of proportion and it is really irritating. I am not even sure if we will still have our four remaining classes, scheduled for next week and the week after. The fact that one, only one, student raised a stink, for really no reason other than pure selfishness, really bugs me. Not only that, every one of us in the class has already done a similar move to Germany, and all of us had a tough tricky experience. We all know how stressful moves can be. Besides all of this, the teacher was trying to accommodate all of the students, and that is sort of special. It is vacation period right now, so the odds are, somebody is not going to be in attendance.
The incident continued to bug me throughout the day. I am not even sure that all the students have completely understood that the teacher has quit. You might recall in recent posts that not every student has quite achieved the same level of comprehension, let alone writing or speaking ability. So, on all fronts, a minor incident has blown out of proportion, and as a result, I am without a German teacher.
Mom thoughts, negative class thoughts, and a thumb continuing to hurt like hell did absolutely nothing to improve the course of the day. In fact, the thumb found a way to take control of my thoughts, and I was rather unproductive during the afternoon, as I got very absorbed in the pain and my concern for what the fuck had really happened.
In short, I was feeling like I was under my thumb.
True, my imagination kind of took off as I sought to explain what had happened. I really just wanted to know what event had triggered the pain. This is normally not my standard approach to this kind of problem solving (at least, in recent years). Instead, I try to focus on what might be bugging me (consciously or subconsciously), as this tends to be a source of the physical pain.
Indeed, I did have a few things on my mind, and that was certainly contributing to the pain in my thumb, but what was really bothering me is that it was feeling like I had burned it, but there was no blister. Yes, indeed, readers, I have encountered a fair amount of burns that I have suffered while cooking in the kitchen. Several years ago, I spilled some hot grease on my right thumb, and as you can imagine, it hurt like fucking hell.
Since I did not have a blister as such, I was really confused as to why my thumb was so swollen, and why it felt like a burn, but the wound was not behaving like a burn. Rather than just accept it and plan to observe it over the next day or two, I lost control of my thoughts. I think this is what irritates me most of all. I dislocated my knee while playing hacky sack back in college, and that pain was excruciating, but I did not let it get the best of me. Why am I now struggling with this concept? Where is the fearless Bryan from college?
I spent a little time meditating Wednesday afternoon, then decided to distract myself further by playing a little piano, which took some effort, considering one of the digits has to be involved. As the work day finished, I checked in with my father to see how he was doing on this special day. It was a good, albeit brief, chat, but it put me in a better mood, which ultimately helped me to decide to go on to the pub that evening to meet up with a few friends who have a regular meet up each Wednesday night.
As we sat outside at one of the tables, I was conscious about the size of my thumb, which felt bigger that it really looked. Actually, it was not like I could really feel the thumb, anyway. I carefully held my beer glass with my right hand, and when it came time to use the zippo, I had to switch hands, as my left thumb normally turns the wheel that lights the flint. That was completely impossible, considering my thumb size, pain, etc.
The evening served as a nice distraction, and I enjoyed the company of the group, and even bumped into another friend I had not seen since the lockdowns started. We had a chance to catch up, which resulted in one beer too many.
The beer probably helped, as I slept fairly soundly Wednesday evening, and did not notice my thumb whatsoever. That kind of confirmed that it was certainly not a muscle strain or sprain, since those injuries tend to flare up with any (however slight) movement.
Thursday morning came, and I noticed immediately that my thumb was less swollen. I got on with the day, and enjoyed it.
Friday morning came, and it looks like my thumb is on its way to healing. I continued to be fascinated by how the mind approaches such situations, and why there continues to be this tendency to always think so negatively and fearfully. And, how the sense of relief that floods you as soon as your brain comes to terms with the situation.
The working day finished on a pretty positive note Friday afternoon, and I brought the work week to a close. I arranged to pick up a couple of pizzas at my local pizzeria and bring them home so that they would be waiting for me later in the evening. I then spent the next couple of hours outside the pub, collecting my thoughts, greeting some friends, thinking about the week, feeling happy that my thumb could work my zippo again, and just appreciating things for what they are.
see you out there
bryan
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