It's funny. As much as I enjoy writing and expressing my thoughts, I do notice that when things get particularly nutty, I seem to sort of dry up and stop posting the latest updates in the life of, erm, Bryan. Part of it maybe has to do with the "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all," thought process that I have. Part of it is also that I do not want to use this blog to write editorials; it's not that I don't have loads of material and opinion, but rather that I prefer to keep some of that stuff a little closer to me, a little more private, despite the front row glimpse I tend to offer about my personal life through my posts over the years.
Furthermore, when things start to get really distressing, the tone of my posts typically tends to become more dark and cynical, and I much prefer to try to bring out the more humorous side of things. And sometimes that just really isn't possible.
I think that explains why I have not put up a post in a few weeks.
But, I woke up this morning thinking about all of this, and once again find myself typing away at the keyboard,
The day after my last post, I met up with the guys for our first Kiosk Abend in almost 10 weeks. It was a great evening, and we were all delighted (relieved) to be out and about sharing our stories of being cooped up at home the previous weeks. All of us were cautious, and curious. It may sound strange that I considered that to be a highlight of the evening, but we were all taking our first steps back out into our new normal society, at least for that week.
The following Monday, we all met up again, and I noticed immediately that we were all feeling a little more relaxed. And, it was rather comforting to see more and more people on the street (most of them behaving themselves) as life was starting to "open" back up.
Outside of Mondays and trips to the store and little walks around the block, I was still keeping close to home. I had a few things I was trying to get sorted out with my mobile telephone contract, and I was still waiting on some stuff for the Arbeitsamt.
During that week, I happened to watch a charming little movie about a French woman who won a speed typing contest. Sure, it was a romantic comedy, and the actress was a little combination of Audrey Hepburn, Audrey Tautou, and Grace Kelly all together. Just writing that sentence brings a smile to my face.
Seeing the movie had provided me some blog material, and I took the next couple of days to collect my thoughts. The film is about a young secretary in the 1950s who starts competing in speed typing competitions, and goes on to (sorry spoiler alert) fall in love with her boss. I loved the film. As light and charming as it was, I was thinking about the stereotypes of the roles of women during the 50s (til present day), and how so many of them were secretaries. My mother was a secretary, herself.
However, as a guy who learned to type at a really early age, I found myself wondering how I would have fared in the speed typing competition. From the get go in typing class in 7th grade, I was typing a good 30 words per minute FASTER than my other peers. On a manual typewriter (like the one the girl used in the film), this was pretty darn good. At the time, I did not realize that my piano playing was giving me an extra edge. It wasn't until I got to college that I truly noticed the advantage; I tended to wait until the very last minute before typing up my papers, and can remember multiple times in the computer labs (where our school had computers for students to use) machine gunning away, banging out 10 page papers in a handful of minutes. Other students were noticeably startled when I would enter the lab and start pounding on the keyboard.
As most readers are aware, I never went on to win any sort of speed typing competition (I didn't know that they had those), but still, I topped out at about the same speed that most executive secretaries were hitting, and I always thought that was neat.
A nice French romantic comedy is always a big help in keeping the spirits high, but a couple of days later as I read some news reports the world suddenly became a lot more bleak. I almost felt guilty about my enjoyment of the film, during a time when the world was suddenly boiling over.
So, my thoughts have been a little dark over the past couple of weeks as I have prayed and cried and reflected on the recent events. I looked on with distress at the actions and words of so many different people, in various cities in the states, including my hometown. I became angry as I tried to understand something that is simply not so easy to understand.
Again, I in no way intend this piece to be a commentary on how things are going in the world, and I do not discount the significance of the impact that this is having on our society, even as I am constantly saying to myself, "what the fuck????" and not just because my dishwasher takes 14 hours to cycle through a wash.
I went to the pub the next Saturday afternoon, my first visit back in 3 months, and took a lot of comfort greeting friends and acquaintences, many of whom were also venturing back out for the first time. As we traded experiences and stories, "wtf" was used regularly, particularly when current events came into the conversation.
Later that evening I had a quick video call with my nephew, who was on a graduation-farewell tour, driving around to visit some family friends before he returns to Spain later this week. I have been thinking about him a whole lot in recent weeks, as his 5 year experience in the states comes to an end. When we were on the brink of turning 18, I think most of us were in a constant state of bewilderment, and the words "what the fuck???" seemed to be uttered with great frequence. At least, that was the way I felt. My nephew is going through that experience now, with the unfortunate bonus of living through a worldwide pandemic and racial tensions which are reaching absurd proportions.
If he hasn't already said it, I am sure within a few days he, too, will be regularly asking "¿qué cojones?" but at least he will be able to do it in multiple languages.
And I think that is what we are all needing right now. A bit of continued solidarity and understanding in our efforts to find peace in the world, on whatever scale.
Last evening, I had a pleasant experience at the dentist, partly because the check-up went really well, but more importantly,because my Zahnärtztin was so postive, despite the troubling times. She went out of her way to ask me about my health, the health of my family, then went on to ask me about my work situation. As I explained that I was currently looking for new opportunities, she responded with the postive affirmation that she was quite sure that I would be okay. And this coming from a woman who I've only seen once or twice per year over the past decade. Yes, she is a very nice person, but despite feeling flattered that she cares about me, I know that she cares about everyone just as much.
It was a nice reminder that the world isn't a completely shitty place.
So that experience helped me feel like scribbling a few thoughts down again this morning, and I am happy to report that this piece took me only 8 minutes to type.
We are definitely living in some crazy times, so it's certainly fitting for me to not forget what it's all about.
keep the faith
bryan
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