I’m sitting here in a quiet café in Hamburg, just a few meters from Michaeliskirche. I arrived in Hamburg yesterday afternoon; it’s only about four hours away from Frankfurt by train.
As I studied the U-bahn map at the Hauptbahnhof, an employee of the HVV (Hamburger Verkehrverbund) approached me, asking if he could help in any way. Though it was actually his job, I was immediately aware of his open friendliness and willingness. We sort of discussed the best route to take; we were on the east side of the city, and I needed to get to St. Pauli in the west. I’d pretty much already figured things out, but he confirmed things for me. Indeed, I would have to transfer after a couple of stops to the next U-bahn line. Pretty easy stuff.
A few minutes later, I found myself on Reeperbahn and just sort of wandered, hoping I’d stumble upon my hotel. Earlier in the week, I had purchased a guidebook of the city, was impressed with the fact that I could read and understand most everything in German, and more or less familiarized myself with the city map. Thus, I had a decent idea of which direction to take, and within a couple of minutes, found my hotel. I checked in with the help of very friendly staff, had a quick look at the map again to orient myself, and after the obligatory welcome drink, took a little walk around the waterfront.
My primary reason for the excursion was a Jimmy Eat World show. I’d recently bought their latest release, and while I first became a fan at the end of the 90s when I moved back to Dallas from Boston, I’ve always been kind of an on again, off again listener. That is, until this past year, when a few new songs grabbed my attention, and suddenly they’ve been in heavy rotation on the ipod.
So, the club was directly across from my hotel, but with several hours to kill before show time, I checked out a bit of the waterfront, though it was already dusk and I couldn’t really see all that much. I walked a bit more, enough to build up an appetite, then found a restaurant down the street from the hotel that looked decent.
After their initial surprise that I was dining alone, the staff in the (apparently trendy) lively restaurant was once again, super friendly. Yes, I’m well aware that I’ve just commented on my self perceived friendliness of people working in the service industry in a city known for its tourism, but still, I got the impression that it’s a pretty easy going city.
From my spot in the restaurant, I watched the queue for the show, and became kind of alarmed that by 6pm, the line had already stretched down the block. The show wasn’t due to start until after 8pm, which was when I planned on arriving. I enjoyed a handful of beers and some grub to tie me over the next couple of hours, then paid up.
45 seconds later, I was walking into the club, and discovered that those folks who had queued up early were fortunate to have decent spots from which to view the stage. I, on the other hand, though pleasantly full from burger and beer, was stuck towards the rear of the venue, but within striking distance of the bar.
The bar served beer in tiny plastic cups that reminded me of those little sippy cups that say they’re dishwasher safe but really aren’t. Beer was kind of expensive, but being that I was on vacation, I didn’t wince much. Since the cups were on the small side, frequent refills were required.
I’d heard a song from the opening act on lastfm or somewhere, and had already decided to skip that experience. However, German concerts always seem to start a bit early, so I wasn’t really sure that I’d successfully missed them until the main act hit the stage, which was only about 15 minutes after I’d arrived.
Well, the band launched right in, and despite my somewhat obstructed view, they certainly impressed. The next two hours passed quickly as the band kicked on, playing a nice mix of their stuff from the past 15 years. When you go to a show alone, you can really concentrate on the music. On the other hand, you kind of notice how alone you are. Sometimes, you want to share the experience with someone, you know?
The thing that has always attracted me to Jimmy Eat World is the band’s ability to be a good blend of punk, pop, and plain rock and roll. Their earlier stuff was more punk driven, then got a bit poppy (though with seriously dark overtones), and over their tenure has really developed into very listenable rock and roll.
True, several of their songs have turned up on soundtracks of various teen angst dramas shown on television from the past 10 years, but hell, they’ve tended to turn up on a lot of my comp cd’s also; their stuff is just cool.
Yes, the sound attracts a slightly younger audience (um, when does the next Twilight trilogy DVD come out on blu-ray, again?) but I really didn’t feel that old at the show. Shoot, the band members themselves are close to my age, too. I did take note that the 5 or 6 people that had to be carried out (excessive heat, too much drink…who knows) were about the same age as I was the last time I got thrown out of a show; it felt good to have learned from that experience and stick around until after the encores.
So, I’m glad the band skipped Frankfurt as a tour stop, forcing me to do a road trip to see them. I was long overdue for a show, and this one hit the spot.
After the encores, we all spilled into the street, and I spent the next 90 minutes wandering around the Reeperbahn, Hamburg’s red light district as well as the main spot for concerts, discos, and theatre. You kind of have to watch your step in the area, but I was quite sober again, helped by the big dinner and the rain that had started to fall. Truth be told, it’s worth it to see the spectacle, but not where I want to spend every weekend.
Thanks to double-paned glass, my hotel room was pretty quiet, even though it overlooked said Reeperbahn, so I slept reasonably ok.
I slept until 9 or so, had a bit of breakfast, then have spent the day just walking around the city, and quite a cool city Hamburg is. It’s a great thing when a city sits near water, and Hamburg not only has a river running through it, but also a lake. I walked all along the docks, then through several other districts of the city, taking in the various market places and other points of interest. There are loads of bridges (I crossed most of them), really pleasant views, and it’s been quite a nice day walking around a big city for hours.
However, my feet need the rest, and Bryan needs a latte, hence the afternoon pause in this café. In a few minutes, I’ll climb to the top of the Michaeliskirche tower and get an overview of all the places I’ve seen today. The weather has been really sunny this morning, and after a little rain interlude (which is why the journal pages are wet), the sun is peeking out again.
2 hours later…
OK, I’ll touch on the three Säulen, here. First off, fitness and health. I just climbed to the top of Michaeliskirche Turm, which is 132 meters high. I elected to take the stairs, about 452 steps of them, thinking that I was tough.
By the third story, I was a bit huffy puffy. A guy about my age was just ahead of me, and I thought I’d try to keep pace with him. Turns out he was struggling, too. He even broke sweat.
On the seventh story, I almost thought I was going to have to stop for a bit. However, I pressed on, and was rewarded upon reaching the top. Wow. Totally cool. One can see for miles, and I looked out over the harbor and over the whole city, retracing my steps from earlier in the day.
I’d set out this morning with no real plan, just walking, looking, to see whatever I could see. Yes, I did have an idea of some of the “things to see” in Hamburg, but I’d previously thought that to get from one place to the next, one would need public transportation. However, I found that I had really covered a lot of ground on foot, and not surprisingly, saw a lot of stuff.
Because I didn’t refer to the map, I sort of walked in whatever direction I fancied, and simply kept encountering nifty things to see. I’ve always had a decent sense of direction (I’ve had a secret desire to be kidnapped, put in the trunk of a car and driven around, just so I can pop out and say, “we took four left turns and we’re right back where we started!”) so never really felt too lost. Since there was no game plan to speak of, it’s not really as if I was “lost” in the first place. I was just exploring.
It helps to have a river, which helped me keep my bearings, and if that wasn’t enough, I only had to look for one of the church towers. OK, it’s Hamburg and not Istanbul; I’d like to specify where I’d prefer to be kidnapped…just setting the record straight.
Anyway, after enjoying the view of the city from the observation deck, I walked back down, realizing my legs were feeling a bit rubbery. God knows how they’ll be tomorrow.
So, I’m thinking I’m not so fit. Sure, I’m in the gym a lot, which brings regular commentary from Kumpels and friends. While you might argue that I sort of look fit, this is not quite the same as “being” fit. Put me on a treadmill for 10 minutes, and I think I’ll be in need of a doctor. Skip the smoking comments for a moment, I’m referring to the fact that I’m not conditioned. Thus, I’m noting the need to do a bit of cardio more regularly. That’s now added to the “to do” list. (Isn’t it neat how one can write with such motivation about getting fit while sipping a San Miguel?)
Before we move on to the next pillar, I’ll briefly touch on the smoking. I’ve been failing miserably at quitting over the past 4 months, and it is really irritating me. I’m quite tired of smoking, and am looking forward to the day (coming soon) when the shit is behind me. Yes, the dragon has not yet puffed his last, and I know few people believe me, but it is what it is.
Now, pillar number 2. Work. Ha ha ha ha ha….roll on the floor and laugh out loud. That pillar is under reconstruction, pending the right architect, plans, and funding. So far, so good.
Pillar number 3. Wow, I could write (and actually have been) for days on the topic. I must say that after two weeks of doing the permanent lunch break, I realize just how lopsided my life has become over the years. Take away the work from a guy who only worked all the time and you’ve only got a guy. I went quickly into the realization where I don’t have much of a life. All the years spent doing only work stuff really exposes the absence of the things that make life worth living in the first place. I’m a guy who needs quite a bit of looking after (er, perhaps a bit of Paddington Bryan), and generally a fair amount of encouragement. Typically, that means, hit me in the head with a 2x4. Otherwise, I won’t always get the message.
The problem is, no one is looking after me, so if I don’t do it myself, then I might be well and truly fucked. Thus, if I don’t push myself (i.e.…keep a 2x4 nearby at the ready), nothing will happen or change.
For some reason, I thought that upon my arrival in Germany, I’d meet people and suddenly, I’d be invited off to see things and places, doing stuff. Well, I didn’t realize that the Germans aren’t like that really, and even once they got to know me, no one was ever struck by my openness and willingness (hey, I should go to work for the HVV!) to try new things.
Why? Because I was a one trick pony, and all work and no play makes Bryan a dull boy.
Now, I’m in no way slighting my friends in Germany; they simply call a spade a spade. Furthermore, I have done some really cool things, both self-initiated and through invitation. However, it struck me today as I wandered around the city just how similar the experience was to my first months in Boston: I didn’t know a soul, and I just got on with things.
Um, let’s stop for a moment and pat ourselves on the back for having had the guts to make a dramatic change in life not once (Boston), not twice (Valencia), but three times. Not many people can say that they’ve done that; not by their own choosing, at least.
But, for everyone who always listened to me yammer on about my ambition to work and live somewhere else (i.e. ”away”), particularly in Europe, the patient message was always there. “It’s only so good an experience as you make it, B.”
I think, now that I have more than 15 minutes to reflect (thanks to the extra 60 hours per week that I’ve been gifted), I can see that more clearly. I have done a less than adequate job in making sure that this pillar was firmly structured, choosing instead to flash about and excuse anything with a, “um, too much work.”
Sure, it’s easy to say when you’re unemployed, sitting in a cozy Spanish restaurant (mas chorizo, por favor!) and feeling hoppy boppy, but I’m going to hang on to the notion.
I know plenty of people who have given me grief over the years for working too much, and my response was (and will likely always be) “yeah, but I like what I do for a living.” (Don’t confuse that with: I like who I work for…company or otherwise)
It’s the passion I’ve had with my work that helped me get here, and I’m proud of that. Ironically, some of those same people who berated me have found themselves in a similar situation to mine: too much time in work, and too little time developing the third pillar. I understand the trap very clearly, and am curious as to how to better find the right balance.
It certainly isn’t easy, and I’m not interested in finding a solution here in this piece. Recognizing it as an area which needs a lot of attention is important. That’s the main theme of today.
Right about now (if not 3 pages ago), someone is saying, “Gee, why doesn’t he just write ‘hey, I went to Hamburg at the weekend and had a good time. Why does he always get all philosophical and dreamy?’” (pause, while I smile)
Funny, it’s when all three pillars take a bit of a hit that suddenly the clarity comes, and along with it, plenty of uncertainty about the future. Five years ago, I listed out a bunch of goals for myself during an exercise with a friend in trying to figure out my universe. My friend pointed out that of all the goals I wanted to fulfill, I hadn’t written anything down about a desire to find a partner and have a family, and was I going to.
I was asked that same question just the other week, and wasn’t too surprised to hear myself answering that yes, I do have those desires (though I actually said something more along the lines of having that pipe dream: my pessimism always jumps to the forefront when discussing relationships, and that, combined with my calamitous ability to simply fall in love with the wrong girl makes for a laugh out loud, roll on the floor, reread update for pillar 2 one more time experience), but it’s only got a chance of happening once I recognize where I am in my life.
And where am I right now (besides the quite literal but surreally groovy experience of sitting in a quiet restaurant specializing in paella de mariscos in Hamburg, conversing only in Spanish)?
I am simply here, and here to stay.
Yep, I’ve just slid a New Order lyric into the write up, simply to mock the absurd, albeit extremely rewarding life that I have.
So, thanks for reading, you. It took quite a bit for me to unload here, and my words just didn’t come out earlier in the week.
Keep the faith.
Soundtrack
Vox Populi – 30 Seconds to Mars
Window in the Skies – U2
Indefinitely – Old 97s
Stars Above Us – Saint Etienne
That Was Then But This Is Now – ABC
Walking To Do – Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
Scared As You – The Cure
Like a Hurricane – The Mission UK
Dizzy – Jimmy Eat World
Let Down – Radiohead
Safe – Travis
More – The Sundays
House – The Psychedelic Furs
Be Sensible – Jimmy Eat World
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