Yes, I had one of those weeks where almost everything didn't go remotely like I had expected it to. And it almost proved to be just a wee bit too much...
Last Saturday morning, I woke up and switched on the espresso machine, like always. I then logged on to my laptop, but quickly found that there was no internet access. Thinking it was just a brief outage, I did some quick troubleshooting, including doing a reset of my router. I continued to wait for my coffee machine to warm up and kept an eye on the router, which has to go through a little reset process.
A few minutes later, coffee in hand, my router seemed stuck on the "connection to online" status; it could only get power and show it was operational in my house. But no service.
I thought back to the evening before when I had spoken via telephone with my father. He, too, had had internet problems, and they seemed hardware related. I considered the coincidence, but didn't feel too bent out of shape. After all, it was the weekend, and I had plenty of other things I could do that did not require online connectivity. I used the time wisely, and sat in my easy chair in my living room, simply enjoying the quiet Saturday morning and the fact that I was effectively not "connected."
Around noon, I still did not have any connectivity, and I was a little skeptical of my router. I had one router go bad on me a couple of years back, which prompted me to scurry across town on a busy shopping afternoon to purchase a replacement fritzbox. I hoped I would not have to do the same thing, but decided to continue waiting a little longer. Meanwhile, I glanced at one of my mobiles, the one that also has the same service provider as my internet, and noticed that the mobile had no service.
I deduced that this was indeed a Telekom problem. I still was not sure if it was just a Bryan Telekom problem or if the issue extended wider, but decided to just accept it and move on. If things were back on line by Monday morning (when I would definitely need internet access), I would deal with it then. Take it as it comes.
During the early afternoon, I went to the supermarket to pick up a few items, noticing a large handwritten sign right in the entrance to the store indicating that due to an internet outage, NO electronic payments (credit or debit card) were possible. This posed no problem to me, as I always use cash. I completed my shopping list, then stood in line with the other people waiting for checkout.
As per protocol, the cashier asked each person if they were going to be able to pay in cash, and I was a little surprised when the person looked shocked as they said, "Er, no, I was planning to pay with credit card."
From there, the cashier kind of said, "Didn't you see the sign smack in the front of the store that said we have no internet connection right now?" and the customer had to respond, "No, I did not see the sign."
Fortunately, said customer had enough cash to pay for their items.
This cycle repeated itself 3 more times (it was a busy Saturday), and each time, I got a little more surprised at just how many people had failed to see the sign in the one entrance to the supermarket that clearly indicated that cash payments were the only option that day. Furthermore, I was surprised at the reaction each customer had; they all seemed really irritated and insulted by the inconvenience.
When it came time for me to pay, I answered "Yes, I am paying with cash," and completed my checkout without any further fuss, then returned home to find that my internet was working again. Hooray!
I spoke briefly again with my father, who had managed to solve his own issue, and I told him about my morning without connectivity, then went on to enjoy the rest of my weekend.
Monday evening at the kiosk during a break in conversation topic, Ali asked me if I had experienced an internet outage at the weekend. Suddenly we all were discussing it, and it turns out that the entire neighborhood was out for all of Saturday morning. Mono had been somewhere else in the city for a few minutes, and had been able to ascertain that the outage would be restored by Saturday lunchtime, which is pretty much what happened.
What's funny about these things, is that when the whole community is without connectivity, it is not as if you can go on to the internet to try and find out about the outage. Likewise, there is no town crier who comes through and shouts to everyone that there will be no internet connectivity until 13h on Saturday.
Those of us who meet up on Kioskabend are all pretty logical; each of us had restarted our routers once (or twice), then said, "Whatever. We will wait for service to resume." Then, we all just got on with things.
On Tuesday evening, I went to catch my U-Bahn to get to an appointment in the city, and I started getting a little antsy when the train did not depart once all the passengers had gotten on. Instead, we sat for another 5 minutes, then another 5. I was standing in the very last car, as it was convenient for the stop where I would have to get off. From my vantage point, I could see all the people coming down the stairs to wait on the U-Bahn. (Ironically, the escalator was out of order). In these situations, when someone notices that a train is still waiting, they immediately make a mad dash to try and catch THAT train, instead of having to wait another 7 or 8 minutes for the next one.
Because of a 10 minute delay, this happened about 60 times, with various people casually walking down the steps, noticing the train car, putting on a hopeful facial expression as they suddenly leap off the last 3 steps and sprint a few steps to the train car.
Yes, I have done this countless times myself.
At any rate, the U-Bahn delay was going to result in me arriving late to my appointment, so I quickly phoned to apologize for my tardiness, and right then the U-Bahn Fahrer announced that we would have to EXIT the train, as it was no longer in service, due to a fault.
Well, the other passengers reacted as if this was the biggest inconvenience in the world. In fact, such events do happen with some regularity, and it's just one of those things. I did feel bad for inconveniencing the person I was going to meet. I actually wondered why I had not taken an earlier U-Bahn so as to guarantee that I would be punctual for my appointment, rather than take the one I had intended, which would have normally gotten me to my destination right on time.
A couple of minutes later, another U-Bahn arrived, and we were all a bit overcrowded on the train. I got to my appointment, apologized profusely, then upon completion, headed back to the U-Bahnt o return home.
3 stops from home, the train pulled into the station, but one of the automatic doors could not close all the way. It happened to be in the car I was in, so I watched as the driver had to come out of his little cabin and try to force the door closed. Meanwhile, I watched a few people walking down the steps, suddenly their eyes got wide as they immediately sprang for the waiting U-Bahn. ("Hurry Eunice, the train is still there! We can make it!")
After a few minutes of fiddling about, the driver finally force closed the door. He did this with a bit of elbow-grease. But, once he was back in his little driving cabin, he announced over the P.A. "Hey, everybody out, this U-Bahn is now out of order. Due to a technical fault."
Damn.
So, we all got out and waited for the next car, which arrived about 3 minutes later. I proceeded home and kind of chuckled. Again, a first for me: I have never had 2 consecutive trips on the U-Bahn cancelled for the same reason on the same day. But, take it as it comes. And live with it.
Earlier in the day, I had received some new sheet music, and I had already spent a couple of minutes sight-reading during my lunch break. With some dismay, I discovered that despite how simple the tunes sounded, particularly the bass part, my left hand was not cooperating. The music was quite a bit more technically challenging than I had initially anticipated. I realized that I would need to do some exercises to strengthen my left hand. I did not feel annoyed, but rather challenged. After all, this is something I can influence myself. Furthermore, music is EASY, it just may be unfamiliar.
When we used to stand around and kick the hacky-sack in college, Pablo would always make a reference to a Daniel Day Lewis movie when he was unable to complete a kick or touch with his left foot; those readers with a strong familiarity with the sport can easily understand. We tend to use our dominate hands and feet whenever possible, and sometimes the lack of coordination is noticeable in the less capable hand or foot.
As I went about my business on Tuesday evening, I reflected on my week so far. Yes, I had experienced several instances where things were out of order, but for the most, order had been somewhat restored without too many headaches.
Then came Wednesday. I got a call from my boss, who asked me to consider making a decision that would have a negative impact on my livelihood. This brought the week of out of order to a whole new level, one with a different type of meaning. I won't go through too many of the details of the request, but I will say that I felt hurt, insulted, and dismayed. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut once again, and it really wiped me out.
Wednesday was pretty much a write off as days go. I managed to find a small important high point by wishing young Pablo a happy birthday where I celebrated simply by picking up my dry cleaning from the shop down the street. To help put things in context, the little bell that they have the counter of the cleaner's wasn't working, so I had to actually shout and try to announce myself to the woman who was in the back operating the noisy laundry equipment.
That night, I just sat on the couch in bewilderment. I was angry, confused, frustrated, and just felt sick to my stomach. I did not want to leave the house, so just stared at some program on television until I fell asleep.
For the next couple of days, I did not sleep well, did not feel well, as I deliberated on how I was going to answer my boss's request. I was not really feeling much better Thursday evening, but I trudged over to the pub and had a little chat with a couple of friends. It helped to discuss things, and I was somewhat thankful that my friends were supportive and thoughtful. They recognized that I was in a really shitty situation. Things were definitely out of order.
As the evening progressed, I did reflect on the conversations I had already had, with my father, my friends, a few other Kumpels, and with myself.
I did not sleep any better Thursday night, and I woke up really feeling in a dark mood Friday morning. By this time, I had made my decision, but was not looking forward to giving my answer to my boss. During the course of the work day, I had a couple of chats with some colleagues, and I got the impression that they were in similar predicaments, and feeling just as lousy as I was.
As we neared the end of the work day, I hoped desperately to have another chat with my father, but he was offline and doing other things. Finally, just before Feierabend, I informed my boss of my decision, and had to deal with the fact that he wanted to know my reasoning or reasons behind my decision. I elected not to share those details (again feeling a bit put out that the question was even raised) but I did reveal how lousy I had been feeling for the past 48 hours.
At the close of our conversation, I was on OK terms with my boss, and we actually shared a couple of jokes. That sort of helped my mood, as did the fact that I had at least brought some closure to the topic. From there, I will have to live with any consequences or whatever else might happen, but at least I can be proud of me for making my decision and believing in my decision. I felt a little bit of emotional release as I decided also NOT to spend or waste time second guessing, but instead, getting on with things.
I felt like I just wanted to be by myself in a dark room, but I told myself that first, I would go have a couple of beers at the pub, as quietly as possible.
As I walked the few steps to the pub, my mobile alerted me to a text from a friend of mine who had just gotten in to town, and did I want to meet up. I quickly texted back that I was just entering the pub and would be around for a couple of beers, but would definitely be having an early night.
A few minutes later, she walked into the pub, and we greeted each other. I had just gotten through updating Mono on the past 24 hours (we had spoken the previous evening, so he knew what was on my mind), but then got to give Susie the full story from start to finish.
And, it really helped to share the experience, particularly since it was a thing of the (recent) past.
Discussing the whole thing one more time was actually helpful in the "restoring order" part of the process. I felt reassured that I had conducted the right (for me) decision making steps, and I felt better as we wrapped things up for an early evening.
I was still feeling absolutely wiped out, as one understandably would feel after having gone through such an emotional period. I just wanted to cook a little dinner and collapse on the couch, which is exactly what I did.
Saturday morning I felt a bit more rested, but opted for a rather quiet day. I actually made some impressive progressive with my left hand on the new music, and my mood improved as I got to speak again with my father, and later on with my sister. Of course, during our weekly conversations (usually every Saturday), my sister and I take turns answering the question, "How was your week?" so yesterday I did have relate the whole experience one more time, but again, it was okay.
No one likes to be put into an unpleasant situation, and I don't think anyone looks forward to dilemmas that put so much emotional strain on a person, but we have all been there. My boss didn't like being put into the position to have ask me the question in the first place. And my left hand was not overly thrilled to be pushed into an uncomfortable position earlier in the week.
But again, and I cannot stress this enough, it's about effortless mastery for me. This week proved that there was an element of effort required, but through it all, I managed to contribute to restoring order.
What happens tomorrow or the day after is something that I will simply deal with when the time comes. I am reasonably sure that it is going to be exciting.
see you out there
bryan
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