Once again, it has been an action packed week, packed with plenty of frustrations and a heck of a lot of chaos. We are starting a new project at work that I will be actively involved in. Things have not gotten off to a particularly stellar start, and I allowed my frustrations to get the better of me early on in the week.
One of our customers is expanding their sales into Germany and has an aggressive target for "go live."
While this is nothing new, I found myself getting really worked up about things, particularly since my sales colleagues (and various other colleagues) have said yes to a whole lot of things that are actually beyond our control.
Again, this is nothing new. In my line of work, it has ALWAYS been this way. Everything ends up falling on the ops guy, who happens to be me. For the next couple of days, I was in a funk and couldn't stop asking myself why people kept throwing me under the bus.
During my lunch break Tuesday afternoon, I watched a video of my cousin's recent sermon. My cousin has just started a new appointment in a church in Saint Louis, and it's a bit of a new challenge for him. He had been at his last appointment for 11 years, and his new church has a bigger membership. He had to move out of his old house, move into the new house, and get started in the new role at his church: the sermon I viewed was only his second week there. That is a lot to happen all at once.
Andy's message had a lot to do with being put into uncomfortable situations. Later that evening, I had a chance to put things in perspective. My cousin, like all gifted ministers, used personal experience and common everyday examples in his sermon. Moving house is never an easy task, and one that few people look forward to, but from time to time you have to do it.
I thought about my current challenges with the job, and realized that part of my frustration was simply getting pushed into a new, uncomfortable situation. Even though I am familiar with the upcoming tasks, I do not like being forced to move faster than I feel is realistic (cautious) to accomplish something, and I really do not like working with other individuals who made decisions in effort to please the customer rather than try and understand the reality. To me, this always means that we are setting ourselves up for failure, or at least, not achieving optimal results.
For the rest of the week, I tried to focus on what was really driving me nuts. During the evenings, I got interested in a Danish-Swedish crime series, one that involves a detective who has Asperger syndrome. Like most other Nordic productions, it is slick, dark, and gripping. The detective is extremely competent: by the book and very thorough. However, she lacks a lot of social skills, which presents conflict between herself and her colleagues, as well as with suspects and other people she is in contact with. Because of her lack of emotion, she does not always understand why people react negatively to her comments.
My awareness of this disorder has really grown. I have read up on the subject, and am somewhat glad that a dramatic television series has helped raise this awareness. While I fully respect the seriousness of Asperger syndrome, there are some humorous moments that come up in the series, because of the circumstances.
For example, in one episode the detective has to speak with a distraught parent about a kidnapped child, and rather than try and comfort the parent with hope, she ends up bluntly stating that the likelihood that the child is already dead is very high.
The partner of the detective tries to assist her with her tact, suggesting that she thank her colleagues for their efforts, etc. He goes on to suggest that she try and personally interact with them, which prompts her to join a group having a coffee break and state matter of factly, "I got my period today."
This became rather awkward for the other colleagues, who did not really know how to respond.
As you can imagine, the detective struggles to understand why other colleagues don't approach the job like she does, why they aren't willing to work nonstop through the night, etc.
I recognized some similarities in my own professional situation. I, too, get frustrated when colleagues don't do things "my way," and the more I thought about it as the weekend approached, I realized that this was driving a lot of my anger.
The fear and anxiety with the work project is coming from not only me not wanting to let the side down, but also because I don't like being told what to do, especially when the instructions are to implement a plan that I did not have a part in developing, and one that seems unrealistic and destined for failure. Why? Because I have the feeling that I am being held responsible for something that is outside of my control.
What do I do about it?
Well, for starters, I reminded myself just how capable I am as a professional. My efforts and experience have got me to this point, and even though the past months have been a little quiet on the job front, with too little to do, I reminded myself that having to kick into gear sometimes means that you have to accelerate much faster than you'd like. However, the contrast here has more to do with the fact that things were simply so slow during the first half of the year. Suddenly having to go at full speed is a bit of a shock.
My mother always stated that she felt like she had been shot out of a cannon when waking up in the morning. She was not what people would call a "morning person," one that could awaken and start the day with fresh zeal. This was particularly noticeable when compared to my father, who tends to rise early, get in a workout at the YMCA, read the paper, do the tax returns, schedule 5 appointments, then have breakfast. All before 7h30.
My parents were always aware of this difference and often laughed about it. More importantly, they learned to live with the difference. Maybe saying that the embraced the challenge is a bit of a stretch, but I'll still use the example.
Rather than getting irritated with my colleagues approach the task differently than me, I will rise to the challenge, and embrace it. In short, rather than allow myself to be thrown under the bus, I will slide into the driver seat and take a bit more control. And accept what comes. With joy, with anticipation, and with excitement.
Sure, right now it is not so comfortable, but as it gets more familiar, it will once again become easier.
Effortless mastery in action. Why not?
see you out there
bryan
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