So, it has been just over a month since my mother died. I was curious as to how I would get through the first month, and I am glad to say that I did better than simply to "get through" the month. I talked about my mother with a lot of folks and I am glad that they took the time to listen. I mentioned in the last post that I knew I had support from my friends in Germany, and it really has helped me.
I continue to celebrate Mom and as I walked around my neighborhood going about my normal life, I frequently thought about her and looked at things from her perspective. She always noticed the little things, and I concentrated on those things myself: how people behave in the grocery store when it is crowded, how excited the children get when they buy an ice cream on a sunny (but cold) day in January, I could go on and on...
Tears still come, and I welcome them. But smiles come more often, and I welcome those just as much. I am just finishing a quick business trip to Porto, and while I was walking through the shopping mall next door to my hotel, I saw a little boy walking with his mother. I was just a little bit behind them, and was just sort of ambling along myself, but I realized that the boy was trying to jump from the dark colored floor tiles, having to hop over the light colored tiles. He was doing pretty good, but he was still holding his mother's hand so it was a wee bit awkward. However, she was just as patient as could be. Then, they passed by a little store that had a life sized stuffed bear at each entrance. The shop was on a corner inside the mall, and when the boy saw the first bear, he ran over and gave it a hug. A second later, as we rounded the corner, he repeated a hug on the second bear.
I love seeing things like that, and I know my mom always did, too.
As I continued walking back to my hotel with a smile on my face, I thought back to last week when I was walking down my own neighborhood street. Outside of the ice cream cafe close to my flat, there is a rather large plastic statue of an ice cream cone. It is about the same height as an average four year old, and right as I passed by, I saw a child giving a big hug to the ice cream cone and as well, a pretend lick. His parents were right there with him and I got the idea that this was just a normal thing that happened every time they walked past the shop, which was probably every day.
These kinds of things are when I most often think of my mother, and likewise my own childhood. Yes, I have been known to hug stuffed bears (and ice cream cones, as it were) myself, and believe it to be just about the most natural thing in the world, simply because I was encouraged to explore, express, and enjoy things.
Often over the past month, I have had a moment to myself, standing on my balcony, or outside the pub on a quiet night. I use this time to talk to my mother, and tell her about the little things that I have seen just as I go through my day. I like sharing the stories, and especially like telling her why I wanted to share with her. Usually this is when the tears and the smiles happen simultaneously, but it always gives me a good feeling.
I have been in regular contact with my father, who gives me the impression that he is getting along pretty well. We talk about mom a lot, but we also talk about the regular happenings in our lives: my nephew's basketball games, my dad's golf outings, trips to the gym, etc.
This has been comforting to be in more frequent contact with him, and likewise, I am always in close contact with my sister. And of course, she is in close contact with my father. We are all in this together. Last weekend, when she and I caught up for a couple of hours, she told me about how my father talks to mom daily, telling her about his day, about upcoming plans, and who he is seeing.
This really did not come as any surprise to me to hear that he does this. Furthermore, I am quite sure that he gets the same good feeling that I do when I speak to her.
I have not yet spoken to him about this yet, and am not quite sure if I will. Perhaps I will wait to see if he tells me himself. Maybe there is a reason he only shared that with my sister. The important point for me is that we share a similar inclination. Again, this is really no surprise, as we always tend to approach situations very similarly. But, I like the feeling. It makes me feel closer to my father.
In our last skype call, my father told me he is already getting the ball rolling for his next visit to Germany, and I am so looking forward to his visit in the next few months.
It is a good time to keep on being B.
see you out there.
bryan
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