Almost immediately after my last post, it started raining, and has pretty much continued to rain each day since then. Along with the rain came a significant drop in temperature. Normally, I would say that this kind of weather suits me just fine, and for the first few days I was pretty delighted.
However, when I woke up one Saturday morning feeling that my back wasn't quite right, I got a little discouraged. I have had some issues with my back throughout most of this year, and had been enjoying a good period of "back to normal," if you can excuse the pun. During that weekend, I elected to skip any visits to the gym, and likewise didn't do any of the little exercises that I tend to do each day on the mat on my living room floor. My PT had constantly reminded me that I needed to listen to my body, and I have really been heeding his advice.
After a couple of days, I actually thought things were getting worse, which kind of spooked me. During the summer as I finished my physical therapy, I willed myself to find ways to avoid future back problems altogether. Perhaps this was slightly over ambitious, as my PT had warned me that it was possible that I would experience some issues, but at any rate I was feeling a bit down last week. True, the discomfort I was feeling in my back was NOTHING compared to what I went through four or five months ago, but I was still really irritated by the setback.
I decided that a certain part of my back discomfort was coming from the sudden colder weather. However, I am aware of various scientific studies that suggest that there is no correlation between increased back pain and dramatic temperature change. Bearing this in mind, I also realized that there could be some displaced anger that was giving me the aches in my back. Taking advantage of working from home, I spent quite a few minutes over the next several days just lying on my floor and just trying to be present.
During the past couple of years, I have become more and more interested in this concept. I still have a lot more to learn and experience on the subject, but last week seemed to be another milestone reached. By the latter half of the week, after multiple sessions on my floor, I did feel calmer, and I noticed that my back pain was decreasing. Today, almost one week later, there is still a bit of discomfort but things are certainly better than a week and half ago.
I did not intend to spend so much time discussing my back issues in this piece, but rather focus more on the "being present" aspect. Lying on the floor in my living room and trying to clear my mind, to be present, it is rather an interesting experience. Last week, for example, while on the floor, I found myself thinking about some toys that I played with as a child. Fisher-Price Adventure People first came on the market when I was around six years old, and I can still remember getting my first set of action figures. I continued to think about all the great times I had playing with these toys. They kept me occupied for hours and hours.
Why did I think of Adventure People last week? I suppose it had to do with the exercise of clearing my mind, which allowed me to recall some vivid memories from my childhood. This wasn't so much about finding a happy place as simply being present. True, it was more pleasant to think about those toys than to think about how poorly Arsenal have been playing in recent weeks, or why I get so agitated by one of my repair partners who never can seem to follow the documented process.
I usually play my best piano when my mind is completely clear, and while I often use piano playing to help clear my mind, I am starting to better understand this concept of being present. Too often, when I feel uptight, it impacts my playing. I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago when Nadja had to sit on the balcony while I sat at the piano a few rooms away. Although I have no tremendous desire to perform publicly, I would like to feel totally relaxed, comfortable, free, and present while playing a piece or two for someone, who could actually sit in the same room.
Like I said, I am still working on this concept, but it is making for yet another enlightening experience, and I continue to learn about myself. That is a good thing.
I have to accept who I am, and while I have always thought that I am pretty well versed in this understanding, I recognize that I need to continue on trying to be the best B I can be.
It's better for me to be B. No question.
see you out there
bryan
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