Though I have had several pauses between blog posts through the years, I think that I have only experienced "writers's block" once before. That was immmediately after Joe Strummer died, and it was almost 18 months before I wrote again.
Not long after my last post, I took a few weeks of vacation, as I tend to do over the Christmas holiday. Because the last couple of months of last year were pretty rigorous, I found myself pretty well exhausted over the break. It took a couple of weeks before I could settle down, and suddenly it was right back into the mix of things. This year has started off at an equally hectic pace.
While I certainly have had a few things to write about, I just had other things going on, and have not been able to find time to sit down and post something. Or so I thought.
Initially, I thought I simply did not feel like writing; ich hatte kein Bock. After further consideration, however, I suspected it to be another bout of writer's block. A bit of prodding from earlier this week helped me to actually sit down this morning to bang something out. First thing I did was look up "writer's block" on wikipedia, and bingo: I had my answer The definition as listed in the entry was pretty much me to a T for the past few months.
Fortunately, the block has been only temporary, and I did kind of need the break.
Sure, I have been taking time to do some journal writing over the past few weeks, but that has always been pretty personal stuff and certainly recent material is not (and will not) be included in postings here. (Though there are a few oneliners which might appear in future posts; we will see.)
What prompted me to write again after the hiatus in 2003 (Joe S. died in December of 2002) was hearing a song while driving to work one day. The catalyst this time around was somewhat similar.
Last weekend, I was at a local club to see a concert by an industrial band that has been around for years. From the get go, I was jolted back into a bit of reality. Quite a good show to be at, and it was nice to get a concert experience in so early in the year. Somewhat embarrassing is the fact that for 20 years I have been a fan of this kind of music (though much more an active listener in the late 80s/early 90s), but somehow, though I happen to know almost every OTHER band from this genre, I had never knowingly heard this group before.
OK, so it is a German band, but so were the majority of the other industrial bands I was listening to yeara ago. I can honestly laugh at the fact, but I will certainly avoid additional embarrassment by NOT listing the group name in this post.
The show was explosive, aggressive, and I was thrilled to be there, not just because it was a good show, but because I suddenly felt as if a door or two were opening again in my life. I spent much of last year closing a lot of doors behind me, and while I will continue to do so, I needed the reminder to keep pushing forward, despite any tough times, whether real or imagined.
As I have written here so many times, it is the music that so often gives me the drive, the perspective, and the feelings. Sometimes, though, even the music is not enough to prevent a momentary panic or blocked period where I cannot express a thought or two. But that is just part of it, I guess.
Late last summer, I was visiting my sister, and took a few minutes to play her piano. My hands felt out of touch, it had been so long since I had played. That said, I did find a groove and soon was blazing away in a melodic stream of consciousness. At the end of the session, which was about 45 minutes or so, my brother in law walked in to the room and remarked how good I sounded. "You sound like you practice a lot," he said.
"Haven't played since last year," I responded, knowing immediately that I would have to change that. I simply cannot afford to not have a piano at, erm, my fingertips.
Thus, I did a bit of financial review of my personal finances (leave it to me to always need to play expensive musical instruments) and, immediately upon my return from Christmas break, went to the local piano shop in Frankfurt, knowing fully which model I wanted.
The piano (digital, of course) is now ordered, and while I am forced to wait another 6 weeks for delivery, it is nice and comforting to know that soon I will soon have an important fixture in my life.
One of the reasons that I can actually wait the 6 weeks in patience is that the bathroom in my flat is being renovated. Sometime in November of last year, on a quiet Sunday morning, I had just finished showering, when the doorbell rang.
This came as a bit of a surprise, because I certainly was not expecting any company. It was my downstairs neighbor, who came upstairs to tell me that water from my flat was coming through into her flat.
Shit.
I made a phone call to my landlord, who sent someone out early the next week to take a look. His diagnosis? Stop using the shower and only use the bathtub (two separate fixtures in my flat) until we could confirm where the source of the leak was.
A week later, my landlord sent another guy to inspect the bathrooom, and he confirmed that extensive repairs needed to be made: change out the entire shower, and also replace the entire bathroom floor.
Shit.
The homeworker spoke with my landlord, and they came up with the plan of action. The next decision was: when could the repairs start?
We ultimately agreed that they would come in early January to sort things out. The homerepair guy came in with his team one morning, took a look, and indicated that it would be about a 4 day job.
So, they started about 2 weeks ago, and what was supposed to be a 4 day job seems to be closer to 4 weeks!
I will spare you the details, but the past few weeks has been all about guys coming in early in the morning to start playing with jack hammers, tearing up tiles, creating fuckloads of dust, dirt, and disturbance. All of this I failed to realize prior to the start of the work, but I have been patiently putting up with the fact that my flat is in a state of disorder at the moment.
Normally, I like to keep the flat quite tidy, but with the chaos of late, that cannot be. There is nothing quite like seeing your bathroom floor a simple slab of concrete. The guy told me that they will lay the tile during the coming week, but I will believe it when I see it.
I know that I have relatively no experience with homee workers, but they seem to be turning an albeit complicated job into a real project, with me smack in the middle of things.
Like I said, things are pretty chaotic and unclean. Thus, I do not want my new piano in the flat until the renovation is done. I certinaly have not told them my piano is not due to be delivered until March, as that might encourage them to continue the work for another 4 weeks. Arggh.
Thus, in a short time things should be looking a whole lot more rosy on the home front: a shiny new bathroom and some musical pleasure.
When everything gets out of whack and a bit too chaotic all at once, in my case professionally, domestically, and in private life, it can be a bit of a challenge. Some things can be painful (es tut weh!), but as one goes forward, finding the way, then order will slowly be restored.
And for what it's worth, sin dolor no te haces feliz...
keep the faith
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