The other week, I got on the elevator to go downstairs for a cigarette. The elevators are glass, so you can sort of look out over the lobby of the building as you come down (or go up). I pushed the button to the ground floor, then pushed the "door close" button, but instead of closing the doors, the alarm sounded.
I realized that I had simply pressed the wrong button, and waved down to the security woman, who was checking her computer and trying to figure out which elevator had a problem.
Upon reaching the ground floor, I walked through the lobby to the parking lot, kind of sheepishly smiling to indicate that there was no cause for alarm, everything was ok, etc.
I had dismissed the incident from memory, but a few days later I was standing on the U-Bahn platform waiting for the metro. Lots of people were around, as we were all trying to get home after our work day. I leaned up against a post, trying to be casual, but somehow leaned against the SOS button, which alerted the transportation security. The little speaker squawked, and a voice asked me what the emergency was.
"Er, sorry, I did not mean to press the button," I stammered, turning very red. I had never actually seen anyone use the SOS before, nor had I ever heard the little alarm sound (or should I say rather noisy alarm sound) Other folk were looking over curiously, wondering what the commotion was all about. I had time to think, "gee, weren't there about 5 other people standing directly next to me 5 seconds ago?" as I once again smiled sheepishly and pointed to my backpack, signifying that it was to be blamed for the accidental SOS. Afterall, there was now no one standing close to me, so I needed to find a scapegoat quickly.
I managed to go another week without doing anything totally foolish (at least involvling random buttons), but that luck ran out this past Wednesday evening on the train home from Düsseldorf.
As usual, I was nestled in the BordBistro reading my book and enjoying a glass of beer. (side note - frequently the train will jostle around at high speeds, so it always a good thing to find a place where you can be somewhat secure, or at least have a place to hold on to. I have regularly seen people get totally bounced from one side of the train car to the other as they tried to walk through just as the train rounded a curve. I seem to find this particularly entertaining.)
When we were about 10 minutes from Frankfurt, I finished my beer and decided I should visit the toilet before we arrived at the station. I found that the regular WC (which really is just a small closet) was out of order, but I noticed that the WC designed for wheelchairs was not occupied. This particular WC is cavernous compared to the little one, but to get the door open you have to press the green "open" button, which I did. The door then slides (at a snail's pace) open. I walked in, and pressed the red "closed" button. The door finally closed, and I immediately addressed my business.
I was in no particular hurry, so I stood there kind of lost in thought as I finished up. I then pressed the "flush" button, or so I thought.
Here is where the story gets a bit confusing. Suddenly, the door slides open and a train attendant is standing there. He is sort of the custodian, I think.
Though a bit surprised, I went ahead and finished zipping up, washed my hands, collected my stuff and exited the toilet.
The guy was furious with me (let it be said that I was not particularly thrilled with him, either) and he immediately started speaking into his little walkie talkie that "no, there was no emergency, it was just some idiot taking a piss who had pressed the "i need help!" emergency button in the toilet, which is strategically placed right ABOVE the "flush" button. Apparently I had pressed the wrong button. Again.
It was this last incident that was the most comical and embarrassing. When a train is close to reaching the next station, exiting passengers tend to leave their seats and stand in the corridor next to the door so that they can quickly get off the train as soon as it stops. This corridor is, of course, where the toilets are. The corridor was totally empty when I entered the toilet, but totally full when the door slid open minutes later.
Very nice, Bryan.
Well, we got to the station, and I scurried off, trying to leave behind the stares of the people behind me. I carefully waited for the U-Bahn, keeping my hands to myself. Once on the U-Bahn, I found myself cramped in between a stroller and the door. I faced the door, trying to give as much space to the little family behind me.
Suddenly, I noticed that something was poking me in the butt. True, it was rather gentle, but startling all the same. I turned around to see the little occupant of the stroller, shyly waving at me. He had simply wanted to get my attention and was poking the only thing, pressing the only button he could reach. I smiled and waved back as we got to the next stop, and exited the metro.
I chuckled a bit as I walked down the street. Keep it up, little one. It just gets more and more fun from here.
keep the faith
bryan
O
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