It's been a week of realizing the significance of letting go.
When I was given my notice a few weeks ago, I knew that it would be difficult, “tricky,” if you will, to maintain enough motivation to see things through to the end of the contract. However, I wasn’t quite ready for the strange feeling of being “in between.” Basically, I’m just going through the motions, as there’s not much to finish, and there is certainly nothing to start. Effectively, I’m no longer a part of this team.
What makes this a challenge is that I’m truly excited about the new challenges ahead, but, as I don’t particularly like good byes (even shitty ones), I’m feeling a bit stuck. Spending eight hours watching a clock during the work day doesn’t give one a zippy feeling in which to go home and spend another few hours hitting the bricks; chasing new opportunities.
Fortunately, I’m about four weeks away from an extended vacation, as I’ve got left over holidays that need to be taken before the end of my contract. Thus, I’m trying to keep the plans in motion for just a bit longer, knowing that I will have to really accelerate just as soon as I’ve put the current job behind me.
As I’ve said before, it’s going to be harder still, before it gets easy. Of course, that’s typically the story of my life, anyway. Thank goodness I accept that without question.
Meanwhile, I’m having to remind myself that when you let go of something or someone, like work, customers, friendships, etc., you really have to move in a new direction, regardless of the consequences. You can’t really have things both ways. That’s a pretty tough lesson that seems to take longer for me to fully understand.
Often, I need a bollocking or two (ok, about 18) before I come to terms with it, but that’s just part of the process.
So, I keep on finding things to believe in, ways to psych myself up, and ways to smile somewhat uniquely; I’m not really on my way out, I’m simply on my way.
Keep the faith.
bryan
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Impression That I Get
It’s always very frustrating for me when I catch a cold. I tend to get sick just at the wrong time, and I’ve noticed that over the years, I seem to become a complete wimp. Sure, I’ve never been a really good patient, but now, I’m a lousy patient and a bit “woe as me” oriented.
Last week started pretty well for me: I picked up some CV photos Monday after work, and that was after having submitted an online application at a firm located just north of Frankfurt.
I was feeling pretty good about my progress, and later mapped out the rest of my week while sipping a glass of wine, when I suddenly sneezed three times.
“Oh shit,” I thought. “I’m getting sick.”
I briefly thought I was going to escape unscathed on Tuesday morning, my luck ran out just after lunch. The congestion was starting, a box of Kleenex was consumed, and I knew I was headed for crap.
Later that evening, I managed to have a cup of tea, but was really starting to feel poorly.
A night’s sleep helped marginally, but as I waited on the U-bahn on Wednesday morning, I realized that I had a slight fever. I used good judgment and went back home. After a quick call to my boss, I logged on to work, and suffered from a bad cold in the comfort of my kitchen, managing to use a couple of boxes of Kleenex over the course of the day.
Thursday was a repeat of Wednesday, though I didn’t bother to try and go to the U-bahn.
Friday, I did manage to get back into the office, but was glad for 5pm to come, giving another couple of days for me to finish recuperating.
The quiet time at home during last week was interesting. Fewer emails were coming in, and the phone didn’t ring like it used to. Indeed, things are settling down for me in a hurry around the office. I even noticed that things seemed a bit different once I was back in the office on Friday.
I know that this is normal when your ride is finishing. Typically, your colleagues will have less to do with you, since you aren’t really involved in things any more. However, in the transition period, it’s always a bit awkward, since you’re sort of there, but unneeded. No one can actually say, “bugger off,” but their actions sort of imply that. It’s nothing personal, of course, but it sucks.
Because I was already feeling crap with a cold, and irritated because I didn’t feel well enough to put a lot of effort into a job search, I felt a bit distant from things last week. Things turned a bit surreal when my father skyped me; we had a good conversation, but it could have been a bit better had he decided to wear more than just a pair of underwear.
I was delighted to test my new mobile out on Friday evening, though at first I didn’t recognize the alert tone for the SMS that I received. I was momentarily confused with the contents of the text, but a quick trip to the dictionary helped. However, why do Americans call it a ladybug, and everyone else (in English) a ladybird?
The weekend was spent in further recuperation, watching a few silly movies and favorite sitcoms and resting as much as possible. It was time well spent, as today I’m feeling ever better.
Sure, I’ve got a bit of catching up to do on my, “what are you going to do with your life now, B-bry?” plan, but at the same time that I feel like saying something like, “ni puta idea,” I feel like I can also say, “Alles wird gut.”
At least, that’s the impression that I get.
Keep the faith.
bryan
Last week started pretty well for me: I picked up some CV photos Monday after work, and that was after having submitted an online application at a firm located just north of Frankfurt.
I was feeling pretty good about my progress, and later mapped out the rest of my week while sipping a glass of wine, when I suddenly sneezed three times.
“Oh shit,” I thought. “I’m getting sick.”
I briefly thought I was going to escape unscathed on Tuesday morning, my luck ran out just after lunch. The congestion was starting, a box of Kleenex was consumed, and I knew I was headed for crap.
Later that evening, I managed to have a cup of tea, but was really starting to feel poorly.
A night’s sleep helped marginally, but as I waited on the U-bahn on Wednesday morning, I realized that I had a slight fever. I used good judgment and went back home. After a quick call to my boss, I logged on to work, and suffered from a bad cold in the comfort of my kitchen, managing to use a couple of boxes of Kleenex over the course of the day.
Thursday was a repeat of Wednesday, though I didn’t bother to try and go to the U-bahn.
Friday, I did manage to get back into the office, but was glad for 5pm to come, giving another couple of days for me to finish recuperating.
The quiet time at home during last week was interesting. Fewer emails were coming in, and the phone didn’t ring like it used to. Indeed, things are settling down for me in a hurry around the office. I even noticed that things seemed a bit different once I was back in the office on Friday.
I know that this is normal when your ride is finishing. Typically, your colleagues will have less to do with you, since you aren’t really involved in things any more. However, in the transition period, it’s always a bit awkward, since you’re sort of there, but unneeded. No one can actually say, “bugger off,” but their actions sort of imply that. It’s nothing personal, of course, but it sucks.
Because I was already feeling crap with a cold, and irritated because I didn’t feel well enough to put a lot of effort into a job search, I felt a bit distant from things last week. Things turned a bit surreal when my father skyped me; we had a good conversation, but it could have been a bit better had he decided to wear more than just a pair of underwear.
I was delighted to test my new mobile out on Friday evening, though at first I didn’t recognize the alert tone for the SMS that I received. I was momentarily confused with the contents of the text, but a quick trip to the dictionary helped. However, why do Americans call it a ladybug, and everyone else (in English) a ladybird?
The weekend was spent in further recuperation, watching a few silly movies and favorite sitcoms and resting as much as possible. It was time well spent, as today I’m feeling ever better.
Sure, I’ve got a bit of catching up to do on my, “what are you going to do with your life now, B-bry?” plan, but at the same time that I feel like saying something like, “ni puta idea,” I feel like I can also say, “Alles wird gut.”
At least, that’s the impression that I get.
Keep the faith.
bryan
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Taking it on the chin
A few weeks ago as I was cooking dinner in my flat, I bent down to tie my shoe (as you do when you notice a loose shoelace). Suddenly, I found myself in a headlock, and was totally and utterly surprised. At first, I was unable to react, as I was still trying to figure out what had actually happened. Within a few seconds, I was laughing, with a bit of relief; I hadn't anticipated the strength of the whole situation.
During the next few days, I laughed about the incident more than once. True, unusual things happen to me quite regularly, like when you inadvertently spray yourself in the eye with an aerosol can, or when things get out of control with the espresso machine and the milk sort of explodes around the kitchen. I find these things pretty easy to laugh about; I like little surprises.
Later that same week, I was called into the human resources department, where I was informed that my contract would be terminated at the end of this coming November. This came as a bit of a surprise, and one that I didn't find so easy to laugh about.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've had some time to let things sink in. Truth be told, I think I actually needed this push. Otherwise, I would have been inclined to continue to allow myself to get dragged through the mud in the existing environment. Now, I've got to sort of get myself in gear, and prepare for an all new adventure.
In the last three years, I have made 13 music compilations. Sure, they were ways to express myself, and they've certainly developed over time. The first was more of a reactionary birthday gift, the most recent a way to get through the insanity of work.
I've been listening to these regularly over the last days, as they seem to have particular significance to my present situation, not to mention the music is really bloody good. Though the cd's tell a bit of a story, I've found them to be great comfort as I put them in new context.
It's serving to be a decent soundtrack to this next little period of life, and proving to be quite motivating (as they were actually initially intended) to me as I establish my action plan.
In the weeks to come, I'll hope to provide some interesting details of the antics. Indeed, I expect things to be a bit stressful, but humorous, as well. For starters, the whole idea about having a good photo for your CV: gone are the days that you can wear a 15 year old tie and steel toe oxfords. Perhaps it's time to realize that I'm not exactlly a little kid any more, though you might be hard pressed to believe that when you see me in gift shop selling loads of stuffed animals.
At any rate, stopping to smell the roses and appreciate where you are in life is something that I've not always done so well. Yesterday's little day trip to the wine country nearby Frankfurt was a perfect reminder for me that it is a life worth living, particularly with those people that are close to me.
And while I know that I've got to lead the way in this next little chapter of life, it's of great comfort that I will not be going at it alone.
stay tuned, it's about to get nutty. again.
keep the faith.
bryan
During the next few days, I laughed about the incident more than once. True, unusual things happen to me quite regularly, like when you inadvertently spray yourself in the eye with an aerosol can, or when things get out of control with the espresso machine and the milk sort of explodes around the kitchen. I find these things pretty easy to laugh about; I like little surprises.
Later that same week, I was called into the human resources department, where I was informed that my contract would be terminated at the end of this coming November. This came as a bit of a surprise, and one that I didn't find so easy to laugh about.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've had some time to let things sink in. Truth be told, I think I actually needed this push. Otherwise, I would have been inclined to continue to allow myself to get dragged through the mud in the existing environment. Now, I've got to sort of get myself in gear, and prepare for an all new adventure.
In the last three years, I have made 13 music compilations. Sure, they were ways to express myself, and they've certainly developed over time. The first was more of a reactionary birthday gift, the most recent a way to get through the insanity of work.
I've been listening to these regularly over the last days, as they seem to have particular significance to my present situation, not to mention the music is really bloody good. Though the cd's tell a bit of a story, I've found them to be great comfort as I put them in new context.
It's serving to be a decent soundtrack to this next little period of life, and proving to be quite motivating (as they were actually initially intended) to me as I establish my action plan.
In the weeks to come, I'll hope to provide some interesting details of the antics. Indeed, I expect things to be a bit stressful, but humorous, as well. For starters, the whole idea about having a good photo for your CV: gone are the days that you can wear a 15 year old tie and steel toe oxfords. Perhaps it's time to realize that I'm not exactlly a little kid any more, though you might be hard pressed to believe that when you see me in gift shop selling loads of stuffed animals.
At any rate, stopping to smell the roses and appreciate where you are in life is something that I've not always done so well. Yesterday's little day trip to the wine country nearby Frankfurt was a perfect reminder for me that it is a life worth living, particularly with those people that are close to me.
And while I know that I've got to lead the way in this next little chapter of life, it's of great comfort that I will not be going at it alone.
stay tuned, it's about to get nutty. again.
keep the faith.
bryan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)