I Just had a chat with a friend who took advantage of something I said to zing me pretty good, enough to make me laugh out loud. It's not important what she said, nor was I really that surprised...just surprised to hear her statement out loud.
It got me to thinking. Here in Germany, I'm a little bit less of an enigma than I was in the states, though it's not as if I've become more open in the past years. I'm not sure what drives that. It's possible that some of the people that I know here are simply more perceptive, simply because there are more opportunities to interact. Here, you're likely going to see about 50 people you know just walking to the metro stop, whereas in the states you can sort of distance yourself from people, at least that's how I see it.
It's considered rude to walk by someone (that you know) without greeting them, and while that certainly exists in all societies, I've noticed it more here, particulary on those days when I'm not interested in seeing anyone (which is a lot). You simply have to smile and say hello, which I think is a really nice thing, even though sometimes I would prefer to be a bit more grouchy. Of course, it's not as if I'm wanting to be unfriendly, it's more with being simply caught up in my own thoughts, etc.
This week has been a bit interesting in this regard, interacting socially, I mean. Monday evening, I landed in Barcelona, and enjoyed a late night dinner of tapas across the street from Nou Camp. The staff at the restaurant appreciated (and noticed) my enthusiasm for being back in Spain, even in my Spanish wasn't perfect.
The next day, I met with a Spanish company about some business opportunities, and it was a really stressful, rewarding day. The people we met weren't very comfortable in English, and I was struggling in Spanish, but I think we all noticed that we all had the same desire to make it work, so we battled on and the communication sorted itself out. Funny, I got a more accepting feeling in Barcelona on a one day business trip than I did while living in Valencia. Before someone tries to make the argument that perhaps it was the fact that said company was trying to get some business from us (hence the delightful 8 course meal (complete with umpteen glassed of wine) we ate overlooking the water), I will comment that I believe they simply responded to the fact that I was trying to be real with them. Sure, I hiccupped a lot in Spanish, just as they did in English (which was a huge deal, cos' my German boss was there, calling the shots), but we found respect for one another; it was a really cool deal.
I dunno, maybe it's a sign that it's simply time to move on.
I've always liked being an enigma, and finding a way to stay somewhat distant from people. However, for some reason, in Germany (and perhaps it's simply the people that I've gotten to know), I know more people that have gotten a little close. I stop short of saying too close, but they've certainly found a way through the normal barriers that I've always used (with relatively decent success).
Kind of cool, and kind of scary, in a way. It's nice to know people, and it's nice to be known, and recognized. I'll never be famous, though I'll forever be recognizable, if that makes sense. Fuck it.
At any rate, this recent experience in Spain was really motivating, so it was a tough fall to take upon my return to Germany. Back in the office to get slammed, bopped around, and possibly written out of the the budget for 2010. It sucks when the week starts out great, then goes down hill in a flash.
However, I find myself compelled to jot down a few thoughts on a Friday night before I head off to the pub. Because my washing machine is dead, I spent a couple of hours at a laundromat in the neighborhood. Fluff and fold, baby, fluff and fold. It's been years since I've done that, and I'm hoping like hell it's a one time event, as I'm off to Saturn in the morning to pick out a new washing machine (am I even old enough to know how to buy a washing machine?) to get my domestic life on track, so at the very least I'll be a very enigmatic ("though the Germans read you like a book") punk with clean clothes.
So, I'm currently finding my place, again. Whether I'll be in Spain, or Prague, or still in Frankfurt in 6 months time is anyone's guess, but I'm simply going to flop about and take it all in stride. It beats watching the shit on TV, eh?
That's the scoop for this week. See you out there.
bryan
soundtrack
The Who - Quadrophenia (entire album). Doctor Jimmy. nuff said. even though i don't like gin.
Thrice - Vheissu (entire album) particularly Image of the Invisible
Carter USM - Falling on a Bruise (just the track)
(note - this is yet another disjointed post brought to you in part by the lovely bodega of Rioja)
Friday, October 09, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Tengo ganas de gritar
Here it is, the first Saturday in October. I love this month, not just because it's Pablo's birthday in a couple of weeks, not because of the U2 song, though both of those things are worthy of enjoying the month. I simply like the fall season, and it's right about now the temperatures start changing, getting a bit cooler.
A friend sent me an sms earlier this week saying it smelled like fall outside. I actually went outside and sniffed. She was totally right. I hadn't really realized the sensation before; I normally like it when it smells like rain, regardless of the season. The smelling bit was a bit humorous, as I had a cold a couple of weeks ago, was totally congested, and was frequently "trying" to sniff again, which she found rather humorous.
Anyway, though it's my favorite season of the year, fall usually brings me a fair amount of stress. Earlier this year, I postponed some vacation plans, as there were a few sticky situations at work which made summer not so convenient to go holidaying. I felt it better to sort of see how things developed. I kind of went too long without taking a few days (I'm not counting the personal days I took to sort out my visa) off, and suddenly find myself frantically needing a week or so to recharge.
Unfortunately, I have waited a bit too long. I was hoping to take a week in October to sort of muck about, but this past Tuesday, during our management meeting, we went through the timeline of Q4 forecast, 2010 budget, some urgent repricing we need to do for my customer (to save the business), and all in all, my October is going to be frighteningly busy.
I was more than hacked off after that meeting, since I've been struggling to get my life sorted out lately, anyway. I realized that time off would really be out of the question; too much that has to get done in the next couple of months involves me. Two months ago I was trying to figure out how I could help support the launch of new operations in Prague, and now, I'm not only still facing this challenge, I may be implementing a small program in Spain, also. This last bit just popped up about a week ago.
Indeed, I fly to Barcelona on Monday to meet with a potential partner, so I'm frantically trying to remember as much Spanish as possible. Should be interesting, to say the least. Thank goodness I still fit in my suits. I hope like hell that the Spanish guys respect that I'm going to be looking a bit SKA like in my steelies, suit, and skinny tie. I would have bought new shoes today (perhaps a bit more appropriate for business), but it's reunification day in Germany; all the shops are closed.
On the job front overall, I have to sort of laugh, cry, and be proud all at the same time. At the expense of my personal life, relationships, and probably my sanity, I have accomplished the international accounts at law concept that Nate and I used to always laugh about years ago. I've implemented a repair program for Europe, been dragged through the mud for 2 1/2 years as I tried like hell to get it working like planned (and to make it profitable), finally earned the respect from management and the customer, and it's still not enough.
The customer needs a better solution, so management is trying to shift as much volume east as possible, to the lower cost countries. On top of that, this little southern Europe thing has popped up; the customer needs an in country solution for Spain.
I'm the guy that knows the most about how it works, and I'm the guy that lived in Spain. So I'm elected to get involved in both of those projects. That actually is a pretty good thing, but a bit scary for me, too. I'm trying to get my mindset in the right frame so I can attack these opportunities with everything I've got. Kind of wish I had taken that week off in September, though...
Earlier in September, a friend talked to me about expectations, and meeting them. I started a piece on the topic, but at this time I'm still reflecting and scribbling my notes. (there are another 45 - 50 posts that are currently incomplete, what's one more?) However, on the expectation front, I can certainly comment that my experience over the past three years has blown my expectations out of the water. It's been brilliant.
That said, the whole vacationesque (invented word) aspect of accomplishing the goal of working in Europe has been tainted by the fact that I still work in a high stress industry that suggests that, so long as I remain in it, will have to accept that it's more off-roading than smooth streets.
Now, before Owen gets excited because yet another bryan story is more negative than positive, I'll throw in the humorous elements that still make this shit enjoyable.
My washing machine died this last week, but not without a fight. I'm not sure if I simply overloaded it, or if it was truly due for a painful death. About a week ago, for three straight days, I ran loads of wash, and each time, the spin cycle sounded remarkably similar to what it must sound during Armegeddon. Holyshit, it was so loud that I almost had to leave the house.
My neighbors must have been furious, especially since I did it three days in a row; each day was a bit worse. Always louder, borderline Stephen King scary (what if the machine came to life and decided to make a break for it?), and had me waiting for a knock on the door from the police. It's verboten in Germany to piss off your neighbors without just cause.
Fortunately, it was only the last load that couldn't complete. The machine simply died. I pulled the soapy clothes from the wash and proceeded to rinse them in the bathtub. The repairman will come sometime this week to take a look, and hopefully will say, "yep, your machine is fucked and you need another one," then promptly run to the appliance store and buy a new one. (My landlord actually asked ME what we ought to do!! I responded that in my opinion, a machine from 1995 probably needed to be put out to pasture)
To sum things up, it's all about letting it all out. Some things you simply can't control. If you need to scream, then do so. Let it out. A friend of mine commented recently that she wasn't very good at this, and that troubled me. I've always lived with angst, and have always used music, writing, and the weight room to sort things. It doesn't escape me that I did not mention, "talk to people about my issues" as one of my methods.
I'm working on this; I've included it in my goals for Q4. That said, it's a bit of a tall order, but a necessary one, as it's not fair to my friends here who aren't always quite sure as to how to deal with an emotionally intense person that's got a lot on his mind right now. Fortunately, you lot get to read up on it and I tick the box for listening to really loud music when I wrote this.
So, I'll finish the glass of wine, and look once more at the little whirlybird leaves that are falling off the tree outside (sorry, I'm not a Dendrologist, so I don't know the name of the tree that makes those little helicopter leaves that are so cool to watch when they fall to the ground).
Thanks, Pablo, for forwarding the pix from the Cotton Bowl match earlier in the week. Nice to see that those outings can still continue from time to time.
keep the faith
bryan
soundtrack:
Apology - Alesana - for a friend of mine in Germany
Revenge - Ministry - still a great track. thanks Kendall
Scream Out - The Unseen - for me
Stare at the Sun - Thrice - also for me
A friend sent me an sms earlier this week saying it smelled like fall outside. I actually went outside and sniffed. She was totally right. I hadn't really realized the sensation before; I normally like it when it smells like rain, regardless of the season. The smelling bit was a bit humorous, as I had a cold a couple of weeks ago, was totally congested, and was frequently "trying" to sniff again, which she found rather humorous.
Anyway, though it's my favorite season of the year, fall usually brings me a fair amount of stress. Earlier this year, I postponed some vacation plans, as there were a few sticky situations at work which made summer not so convenient to go holidaying. I felt it better to sort of see how things developed. I kind of went too long without taking a few days (I'm not counting the personal days I took to sort out my visa) off, and suddenly find myself frantically needing a week or so to recharge.
Unfortunately, I have waited a bit too long. I was hoping to take a week in October to sort of muck about, but this past Tuesday, during our management meeting, we went through the timeline of Q4 forecast, 2010 budget, some urgent repricing we need to do for my customer (to save the business), and all in all, my October is going to be frighteningly busy.
I was more than hacked off after that meeting, since I've been struggling to get my life sorted out lately, anyway. I realized that time off would really be out of the question; too much that has to get done in the next couple of months involves me. Two months ago I was trying to figure out how I could help support the launch of new operations in Prague, and now, I'm not only still facing this challenge, I may be implementing a small program in Spain, also. This last bit just popped up about a week ago.
Indeed, I fly to Barcelona on Monday to meet with a potential partner, so I'm frantically trying to remember as much Spanish as possible. Should be interesting, to say the least. Thank goodness I still fit in my suits. I hope like hell that the Spanish guys respect that I'm going to be looking a bit SKA like in my steelies, suit, and skinny tie. I would have bought new shoes today (perhaps a bit more appropriate for business), but it's reunification day in Germany; all the shops are closed.
On the job front overall, I have to sort of laugh, cry, and be proud all at the same time. At the expense of my personal life, relationships, and probably my sanity, I have accomplished the international accounts at law concept that Nate and I used to always laugh about years ago. I've implemented a repair program for Europe, been dragged through the mud for 2 1/2 years as I tried like hell to get it working like planned (and to make it profitable), finally earned the respect from management and the customer, and it's still not enough.
The customer needs a better solution, so management is trying to shift as much volume east as possible, to the lower cost countries. On top of that, this little southern Europe thing has popped up; the customer needs an in country solution for Spain.
I'm the guy that knows the most about how it works, and I'm the guy that lived in Spain. So I'm elected to get involved in both of those projects. That actually is a pretty good thing, but a bit scary for me, too. I'm trying to get my mindset in the right frame so I can attack these opportunities with everything I've got. Kind of wish I had taken that week off in September, though...
Earlier in September, a friend talked to me about expectations, and meeting them. I started a piece on the topic, but at this time I'm still reflecting and scribbling my notes. (there are another 45 - 50 posts that are currently incomplete, what's one more?) However, on the expectation front, I can certainly comment that my experience over the past three years has blown my expectations out of the water. It's been brilliant.
That said, the whole vacationesque (invented word) aspect of accomplishing the goal of working in Europe has been tainted by the fact that I still work in a high stress industry that suggests that, so long as I remain in it, will have to accept that it's more off-roading than smooth streets.
Now, before Owen gets excited because yet another bryan story is more negative than positive, I'll throw in the humorous elements that still make this shit enjoyable.
My washing machine died this last week, but not without a fight. I'm not sure if I simply overloaded it, or if it was truly due for a painful death. About a week ago, for three straight days, I ran loads of wash, and each time, the spin cycle sounded remarkably similar to what it must sound during Armegeddon. Holyshit, it was so loud that I almost had to leave the house.
My neighbors must have been furious, especially since I did it three days in a row; each day was a bit worse. Always louder, borderline Stephen King scary (what if the machine came to life and decided to make a break for it?), and had me waiting for a knock on the door from the police. It's verboten in Germany to piss off your neighbors without just cause.
Fortunately, it was only the last load that couldn't complete. The machine simply died. I pulled the soapy clothes from the wash and proceeded to rinse them in the bathtub. The repairman will come sometime this week to take a look, and hopefully will say, "yep, your machine is fucked and you need another one," then promptly run to the appliance store and buy a new one. (My landlord actually asked ME what we ought to do!! I responded that in my opinion, a machine from 1995 probably needed to be put out to pasture)
To sum things up, it's all about letting it all out. Some things you simply can't control. If you need to scream, then do so. Let it out. A friend of mine commented recently that she wasn't very good at this, and that troubled me. I've always lived with angst, and have always used music, writing, and the weight room to sort things. It doesn't escape me that I did not mention, "talk to people about my issues" as one of my methods.
I'm working on this; I've included it in my goals for Q4. That said, it's a bit of a tall order, but a necessary one, as it's not fair to my friends here who aren't always quite sure as to how to deal with an emotionally intense person that's got a lot on his mind right now. Fortunately, you lot get to read up on it and I tick the box for listening to really loud music when I wrote this.
So, I'll finish the glass of wine, and look once more at the little whirlybird leaves that are falling off the tree outside (sorry, I'm not a Dendrologist, so I don't know the name of the tree that makes those little helicopter leaves that are so cool to watch when they fall to the ground).
Thanks, Pablo, for forwarding the pix from the Cotton Bowl match earlier in the week. Nice to see that those outings can still continue from time to time.
keep the faith
bryan
soundtrack:
Apology - Alesana - for a friend of mine in Germany
Revenge - Ministry - still a great track. thanks Kendall
Scream Out - The Unseen - for me
Stare at the Sun - Thrice - also for me
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