The past two weeks have been ones filled with lots of reflection. I think a lot of that has to do with the recent death of Lorie; her memorial service was held a couple of weeks ago. I understand the service was quite emotional, but powerful and positive. I was certainly there in spirit, and was really glad to hear that so many people were able to be there to pay respect.
Sure, I've thought a lot about friends over the past weeks (though I'd certainly argue that I tend to think about a lot of friends anyway), but perspectives change after a sudden events, both sad and joyous, don't they?
I remember late last year saying that the Spanish experience had been brilliant; the only thing I was missing was the job. This year, the experience is equally fantastic, with the only downside being, er, the job. Funny enough, I wanted the chance to return to the thick of things, but never dreamed that finally reaching my goal of having European employment would result in me also experiencing record setting personal career lows at the same time.
Is it me? Is it the company? Is it the customer? Is it the industry?
Yes to all of those questions. The company is bollocks; it always has been. I've always rationalized that it was really no better in another company, particularly within the industry. I still believe that.
My customer? For the first time ever in my life I'm dealing with a customer that I'm having trouble respecting. I can appreciate a demanding customer. I'm a demanding customer. But, my customer has proven to be overwhelming. I won't go into gobs of detail (I really don't feel like stooping to that level. Besides I wouldn't feel much better anyway, though it is always fun to say the phrase "complete jerk offs"), and in fairness, they've certainly had justification for being dissatisfied with my company and myself.
That said, the constant browbeating that we've taken has been excessive. I tend to take these things personally, and it gets old real quick.
Each time I've hit a low, however, I search and search and find a way to dig back out. The summer was pretty tough, but I got through it. It's starting to get tough again, and I know I can get through it.
It's no secret how I do it, really. It's always back to basics: music, friends and family, and myself. I'll keep the religion low key. While my mantra "keep the faith" encompasses my personal religious beliefs to some extent, I use it more for the motivation on all fronts. It's finding something to believe in. It's the best way this punk has found to keep it DIY.
On the music front, I've had quite a bit to be psyched up about lately. A couple of weeks ago, I slipped in to a small club to see my friend Goran play a Simonout show. They've spent the summer doing some sizable festivals around Europe, and the band is certainly getting tighter. It's really quite a good show to see, and I'm looking forward to their album release, hopefully scheduled for November or December.
Goran and I always talk music when we see one another (he gets into the pub once in awhile). Whether it be about Pulp or Bob Dylan, it's nice to hear things from the perspective of a musician; sometimes it's a bit better of a conversation than simply, "I like the song because you can dance to it."
There's certainly room for songs that you can dance to, and I appreciate it when someone can make the remark that they do like the song because of a specific element, whether that be the driving beat, the chilling piano, the haunting lyrics, or whatever.
Lately I've been listening to a lot of Course of Empire, partly because of the great memories I had of seeing show after show, but also because it's just good music. It's funny how listening to one band can trigger a thought, and I found myself hitting the internet searching for other bands from the same era.
Almost by accident (actually it was because I'd just loaded a few tracks from a Tim compilation onto iTunes, heard a song I hadn't listened to in a while, and then quickly went on line), I found some old 12 inches on the industrial front. Some of it is a bit darker and harder, some of it is a bit more electronica. I'm particularly thrilled that last Saturday, I found some really rare Secession, a Scottish synth band from the mid 80s. I absolutely went nuts trying to find their one CD release about 18 years ago, and I've treasured that CD ever since. Now, I've got a bunch of additional gems that I never thought I'd find.
Besides Secession, I dug really deep and found some Robotico Rejekto and Cetu Javu. Ironically, both of these bands are German, but Cetu Javu is a bit unique in that their lead singer is Spanish, and now teaches at a university in Hannover. (gotta love Wikipedia, eh?)
I'm sure my iTunes library is experiencing all sorts of confusion, as suddenly the heavy punk stuff is getting mixed with quite a few extended versions of 20 year old electronica. Just when you're saying, "well hell, let's have a party," someone comes forward and suggests just that.
My German teacher had a look at my stuff the other day, and asked if I would make her some mixes for the pub's "end of summer" party which will be held this coming Saturday. We spent a few hours compiling a song list, and I discovered that I already had a fair amount of what she wanted. Okay, I never thought I would be downloading an Ace of Base song or Ricky Martin, for that matter, but it's her party. I'm just sorting the track order and burning the discs.
At any rate, it's been great rediscovering some excellent excellent stuff. My office colleague has been forced to listen to a few things that are outside of his tastes, but that's what happens sometimes. Don't stop the music.
I'm quite fortunate to have some pretty great friends that constantly support me from various parts of the world, particularly the states. In Germany, you are pretty much a Bekannte for a period of time. Eventually (say a year or two), you might become friends. At least that's what a lot of the culture books say.
I can appreciate this to some extent, but am always a little unsure of how or where I stand. I've had some good chats with some of the English speaking regulars in the pub, particularly those of us who have our own code in the POS system, and I do feel a part of things, accepted. That's all well and good; it's particularly nice to be able to interact with the neighborhood and its residents.
Obviously I know a fair amount of Germans after living here for 10 months, and consider several of them friends. Initially, I perceived that people were being a bit cautious, but over the past months they have seemed to warmed up. However, with the exception of Stefan, the guy I've known longest, I'm not exactly sure if these others actually consider me to be a friend, or merely a really good acquaintance.
A couple of months ago, during one of the rougher weeks I had in summer, I happened to meet a girl that left a pretty good impression. We had a few beers together and a really nice conversation. I left the pub that evening feeling better than I had in weeks.
Though she said she'd come back to the pub a couple of weeks later (after a business trip), I was still surprised when she showed up, but again, we had a nice evening chatting about all sorts of things. Each Tuesday evening since, we've tended to hang out at the pub together.
I must say it's been pretty great, and exactly what I needed in Frankfurt, particularly with the amount of unpleasantness associated with my work. At least outside of work things are much better.
Strangely, I really have no idea how this girl feels about me. Since my love life can pretty much be summed up track for track in the album "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" by the Bouncing Souls, I think I prefer to stay as naive as possible about that situation.
Right about now Moe is saying, "Bupkis."
I don't have a great response to that, other than that the girl Simone is simply too special to me; there's no pressing need to run off and try to force something that may or may not be meant to be.
She was out of town this past weekend, but I look forward to giving her a big hug when I see her tomorrow night.
So, besides the music and the friends, I keep looking for any reason to smile. Don't take this to be an act of desperation, it's just that sometimes it's a bit challenging to find the humor during rough spots, so you have to look a little harder.
Next to afore mentioned girl whose name is difficult for me to pronounce, the biggest reason I'm finding to smile right now is Arsenal football. The team is playing so well and so attractively. English press tends to be a pretty fair weather outfit; most of last season was filled with reports of how poorly Arsenal were playing, that they were lost without the efforts of Thierry Henry, etc. It certainly got old reading that press, particularly since the club were really not playing all that well.
It's early in the season, but Arsenal are showing real signs of maturity. The average age of the club is still quite young, but kudos to their manager for putting his faith into building a club that can do some wonderful things. The English press is once again using all kinds of superlatives to describe the quality of play that Arsenal are demonstrating. Indeed, it's certainly worth a subscription to Fox Soccer Channel (for those statesiders that don't already have it). I have to rely on a few pubs around town to ensure that I'm seeing matches. I missed Saturday's match (caught the highlights off the internet), but I found out that an Albanian bar in the city showed the match, so I'll add that to the list of venues that are possible matchday options.
Other random smiles are coming fairly frequently, thank goodness.
During the morning commutes, the trains tend to be pretty full, and Darmstadt is a pretty busy stop. Thus, when we all get off the train, we move as a large mass up the stairs, which becomes a bit complicated because there's always one or two people trying to get down the stairs to catch the departing train, and almost always someone has a bicycle.
It goes without saying that you kind of have to watch your step, much the way you do at a crowded concert or sporting event in a large stadium. Unlike the stadium, where the aisles are only big enough to allow two people to walk, the stairs at the train station allow for about 8 people across. Basically, if you trip and fall forward, you'll potentially knock everyone down in front of you; you fall "up the steps." Likewise, if you fall backwards, you've basically just fucked everyone behind you.
I've been waiting all year to see an accident, not because I like to see (not much, anyway) people experience pain, but because I wanted to see how big the domino effect would be.
Last week, I was walking beside three guys and one of them suddenly went, "Oh! Oh!" and I realized that he had tripped and was falling forward. He grabbed on to the first thing he could, which happened to be the girl in front of him. She started to fall forward, but the guy just needed to stabilize, so he managed to hold himself up as well as the girl. In the end, we all started laughing because it was such a close call: had he tripped into me and all four of us guys fallen backwards, we would have knocked over close to 25 people.
OK, maybe this is where I have to say, "maybe you had to be there" to appreciate the humor in the situation.
Wow, it's about all I can do to get this piece finished up. It's taken way too long, and covers a few too many topics. Furthermore, I started this last Friday, and am just now finishing it up. The party at the pub Saturday night was pretty successful. Certainly the music was excellent, and once again, I probably should have skipped the tequila shots (or was it the combination of pils and chupitos?). Sunday was spent sleeping and trying to not think about the return to Monday work.
Today, it's business as usual. Loads of emails, a handful of meetings and the excitement of some plumping problem in the mens' restroom.
keep the faith
bryan
1 comment:
I thought of you while I watched Arsenal work Derby over on Saturday. It was a very exciting game! Henry who?
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