Holy shit. I continue to be wrapped around the axle with the job; June was more difficult for me than May. In fact, I felt a little like I'd been stuck in some crazy ass locker, and I'm quite sure Keira Knightley wasn't trying to come save me.
I'm not actually sure that a visit from Keira Knightley would help all that much, though I'm certainly willing to find out.
Honestly, I reached certain lows over the past month where I almost chucked everything. Certain aspects of the job just aren't worthwhile, and my mental and physical health has really taken a hit. My confidence got blown away after a couple of meetings with my customer, one of which was in Brussels.
I think I freaked my mom out, as well as my sister, but truth be told, I've done a fair number on myself, never mind anyone else.
A couple of weeks ago, I sat by myself in the pub, just having some beers and trying to make sense of it all, determine my next steps. After a few pints, I apologized to my friends for being anti-social, then left the pub in a very dark mood. I really thought I'd have to take some drastic measures, but unfortunately, was feeling a bit short on plans B, C or D.
It's funny how this goes, though. Half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I've got colleagues who are leaving cos they're sick of the rot. Me, I'm choosing to stick it out and see how it goes, all for rather strange reasons.
For example, because my train was late one morning, I got to the station too late to catch the bus, so had to take a taxi. The driver recognized me, and said how much he had enjoyed our conversation the last time I'd been in this situation, which had been several months back. He's a really good guy, and I was touched that he thought so highly of our 10 minute conversation from early April.
I've never had an experience quite like that, something so simple as a taxi man who appreciates me enough to offer a 1/2 price fare from Darmstadt to Frankfurt, normally a 75 Euro trip. He's basically told me that anytime I need a taxi, call him.
I met a delightful girl the other week who speaks remarkably good English and Spanish, and she happens to be German. We've had a couple of nice conversations, and perhaps we'll have a few more sometime soon. It was nice and refreshing to meet someone so nice, and it gave me reason to smile, which is something that just hasn't happened all that frequently in the past few months.
The girl that cuts my hair complimented me on my German the other day, which was another nice thing, especially since my German teacher also gave me a couple of compliments a little bit later that same afternoon. I'm making bits of progress with my umlauts and "ccchh" sounds.
Everything about this experience in Germany has been pretty cool, with the only dark point being the job. It's not so much the job that's the problem; it's the fact that I've got to do so many jobs that is making things so difficult. I can't wear 4 or 5 hats, I can't do all of the tasks that I'm forced to do, at least not without dropping a lot of balls along the way.
The job caught up with me physically; I've been down with a bad cold all weekend, but after taking it easy and watching three seasons of Beverly Hills 90210 on some website, I feel like the right thing to do is to psych up and continue to get this account sorted out. We'll start that first thing on Monday morning.
I've not had much time to get upset about the departure of Thierry Henry from Arsenal. He's left the club and will play at Barcelona starting this August. I guess I wish him the best, but it's the transfer window that sort of pisses me off about European football; players say they'll stay at a club forever, then leave the very next season. Bugger. Thank goodness I didn't put in an order for the new Arsenal away kit with Henry on the back of it; I would have had a boring collector's item that cost way too much.
During the roller coaster of June, I did manage to see a couple of films, including that Pirates of the Caribbean stuff, and wow, that could have been a whole lot better, no? More entertaining for me was finding a Russian website where I could pull down a few mp3 albums for about 1.12 usd. I never thought I'd have Seal's greatest hits, but it was the right price, you know? Besides, it brought back a few great memories of college, including one fine afternoon on top of some deck where we all enjoyed quite a few beers while sitting in the sun.
The memory was triggered because one of the guys that was there now works in Brussels for Stella Artois, and I certainly would have called him the other week had I not been getting the crap beat out of me by my customer.
I feel out of touch right now, and that sucks. Unfortunately, I'm a bit isolated, and a bit behind on emails, phone calls, and stories. I do appreciate the inquiries and the hellos, they do mean a lot, particularly in these fab times I seem to be experiencing at the moment.
So, I'm off to have a coffee and do a little work. I hope desperately to be able to write a few more pieces in the coming weeks; it's surreal to live in a neighborhood where some men sit out in the square at 7am sipping vodka out of little bottles, and I think it deserves a whole story.
Here's hoping that I'm not on track to becoming one of those guys.
Thanks a lot for the support, particularly from my sister. Go wondertwins.
cheers
bryan
soundtrack:
Alkaline Trio - Remains (full album) (you probably could listen to it three or four times over)
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