"After 6 months in Spain, you're probably having good days and bad days with the language. Six months from now, you'll notice an even bigger difference...and you'll get better."
My friend Rafa made this remark to me last Friday night while we were eating at a Pakistani restaurant.
Rafa pretty much hit it on the head with his comment, and I spent most of the weekend thinking, recapping the past six months.
Without a doubt, my Spanish is much much better, and it continues to improve. Sure, I still have frequent moments where I get totally lost, confused, and unable to speak, but being lost, confused, and speechless is something I experienced just as much in the US for my first 35 years, too. A change in culture and language is simply a change is culture and language.
True, I've been frustrated on two levels, regarding the first six months here in Spain. First, I expected to be comprehending the language quite a bit better, but I've realized that it's a slow process. I'm comforted knowing that every day, I notice an improvement (though it’s accompanied by random days of brain implosion and complete inability to understand fuck all.)
Most frustrating for me, though, is my lack of speech. Contrary to popular myth, I'm rather quiet, and prefer to listen instead of speaking. Sure, I have had many moments where I've gabbed incessantly throughout my life, most notably in the past five to eight years. Since my arrival in Spain, I tend to be a bit more reluctant to speak. I'm careful not to say, "afraid to speak", here, though I have to believe that in a cultural immersion, there is a subconscious bit where you don't speak as much, lest someone you're talking to starts talking about racism in western Europe or some topic that's beyond your scope of language expression.
When I started Spanish classes a month ago, I panicked on the first day of school, as all of my classmates seemed to have an advanced ability at conversation and expression in Spanish. Four weeks later, I've realized that their ability in the language isn't really that much better, but their desire to express is.
To some extent, I'm envious of those that like to speak so much. In college (and in high school and junior high), it was rare for me to open up in discussions, and God forbid we had to do an oral report. Funny, though, that in my career over the past ten years, I had almost no problem opening my gob and spewing all kinds of statements, both bullshit and sensible.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a chance to get to talk to a classmate about her experience in Spain. This girl is German, and is one of he nicest persons I've ever met in my life. She's only nineteen, but exhibits a maturity of someone who has had many different experiences in life, experiences that she not only has learned from, but has also appreciated.
We were at a disco on the waterfront in the middle of the night, conversing in both Spanish and English, and I discovered that underneath all the poise
and charm, she was just as nervous about the experience when she arrived in Spain as I was. She was equally intimidated about her ability with the language, meeting people, etc.
Months later, of course, she was (and remains) on top of her game. I was most intimidated when I first met her. Sure, she's cute, and happy, and smart, but she made the effort in the new culture, and has been rewarded with an excellent experience; her efforts really paid off. I learned a great deal from her during our three weeks in class together. She returns to Germany in fall to begin university, but I look forward to seeing her again one day.
She made the effort.
I believe I've made the effort to integrate myself in Spain, but I frequently think I should be doing more. One of my initial personal goals was to take advantage of every opportunity. Sometimes I don't do that. I don't beat myself up too much about it, but I do remind myself of my goal.
Here is where I struggle. I don’t like to speak just to speak. I prefer to have something to say. However, in a culture where I need to learn and master a language, I need to speak as much as possible. My teacher put it best today when she told us to practice, practice, and practice more. Practicing is much more beneficial than memorization.
The people in my class that speak the best practice a ton, especially en casa. Me? I can't seem to get in a regular habit of conversing at home with my brother in law in Spanish, even though it's a golden opportunity. Hopefully one day soon, we'll just start speaking in Spanish. Knowing how ironic my life is, probably when we're in the EEUU in August.
Several people have complimented me on my speaking ability, and that’s a big boost. No doubt confidence has it's place in learning a language. My goal for the second half of this year is to use this confidence to my advantage and just speak more. Easy to write, hard to do. But, for every day that I have that's total crap, it seems as if the following day I find myself having an incredible experience that, in blunt terms, is just fucking cool.
I'm looking forward to a few weeks stateside, catching up with friends, seeing the neighbourhood, and preparing myself for the next stint in Spain. It's just getting better and better.
keep the faith
bryan
Finnegan's
07/24/06
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