I think we all are able to laugh at some of the things that we do in our daily lives that remind us of our parents. Hardly a day goes by for me when I don't have a brief moment or chuckle as I do something that reminds me of my mother or father.
During the zany month of January as I was jumping around completing my voice project and getting served notice of the end of my work contract, I was also trying to get some domestic tasks back under control. One of those tasks was rearranging my sock drawer. Literally.
Sure, I have used the expression "Sorry, I can't meet tonight because I need to rearrange my sock drawer," countless times in my life, mostly in jest, and almost always because I really wanted to get out of doing whatever it was I was trying to decline.
And, I think we can all agree that such an expression is a very polite was of saying no, even if the personal reasons are something as mild as, "Hey, I just don't feel like it this evening," or as harsh as, "No, because I think you are a fuckhead."
Any rate, I have managed to accumulate a lot of socks since I have lived in my apartment in Germany. I am a big fan of comfy socks, and as Tim can attest, the best comfy socks tend to be soccer socks, or at least the ones we always bought. They were extra extra padded on the bottom, and just felt, well, comfy.
The problem with soccer socks is that they are not quite as useful when you no longer play football. Even though I probably still have a pair or two around, I gradually found a compromise is a really durable and thick cotton crew sock. I am not really fan of the ankle socks, preferring a little bit of length up the calf.
When I was returning the states every couple of years for a visit, I would also pick up a 12 or 20 pack of my favorite crew socks, but in the past 5 years I have been stateside each Christmas, and somehow continued to accumulate more and more new socks.
My problem, is that I was not using any of the socks, but instead, just wearing and re-wearing the old ones. (Expect a future post that is remarkably similar to this one, only involving boxers.) So, over time, I had drawer full of new socks, and a jumbly drawer filled with all the socks that were in current circulation.
When I was growing up, we had a running joke in our family around Christmastime, as my father would always respond to my Grandmother's question, "What do you want for Christmas," with a simple word.
"Socks."
We would all laugh and I would think, "Gosh, how come Dad needs so many pairs of socks?"
Well, some 20-30 years later, I can now better understand how this sock saga gets going. Because I effectively have picked up the same habit as my father. Although I always answered my Grandmother's question with something like, "I would like a coat," or " I am looking for an iron skillet," I always needed (or felt I needed) socks, too.
The problem is, I just can't ever bring myself to discard the socks, even after the first holes appear (as they inevitably do) in them. For a while, I had a two toe rule, but as I became more lazy, sometimes I would look at all my toes showing through my sock, think quickly, "Yep, probably need to throw these out," then put on my boots and get on with my day.
Finally, this past month, I have taken on a new approach, and that is one that requires me to inspect each pair of socks as I take them off. If there are no holes, then they go in the hamper. If they do have holes, I put them through the quick criteria test (this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home....) and decide if they need to be put into the discard pile.
The discard pile has been slowly growing, and if I don't throw them out immediately, then sometimes I do wash them and then use them as cleaning rags. (score points for recycling!)
Now, I still have a ways to go, but I am making progress. The jumbly drawer is getting less full, and at the very least, I am better able to match the various shades of black (depending on the number of washes) and amounts of holey damage.
As I walked home from the store this afternoon thinking about I would start this post, I was thinking how cool it was to have new socks a dad like the one I have. (a sock off the old block)
When I opened up the letter box to check the mail, I found a letter from him, posted last Friday (14th of February). It turned out to be a valentine's card, and I was deeply touched. My father, the sock magnate, is keeping up another tradition, one that my mother did particularly well, and that is to send a greeting card for the appropriate occasion.
In the first year after my mother passed away, my Dad mentioned in passing, "Holy socks, Bryan, I can't seem to keep up with all the birthdays and events. Your Mom did this so well," referring to the fact that indeed, my mother made sure all the birthday cards were sent on time and to the intended recipients. Not only birthday cards, but also cards for valentine's and Easter, and sometimes just for the hell of it.
It seems like such an insignificant thing.
Until it stops.
Maybe my father only sent one valentine's card out this year (although I expect my sister got one, also, despite living in the same house, since that's how it always was when we were growing up), and I think it is just cool.
So, today is a particularly high Dad approval rating day...off the charts, as far as I am concerned.
And since he is already really high up in my book, that is no mean feat.
To celebrate, I put on a fresh pair of new socks.
See you out there
bryan
Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Sunday, February 16, 2020
Another New Beginning
I was pretty excited to get the response from a composer that I had emailed in early January. I had sent him a follow up message from the previous year when I first contacted him to tell him that my Grandmother had so enjoyed listening to me play one of his songs for her.
This time around, I gave the update about the little concert I got to play for my Grandmother over the holidays, and how most of my set included songs from the composer, and particularly my new "tied for first" favorite, New Beginning.
The email that I had written the guy was long, and even included a link to one of my posts from last year when I mentioned the particular piece. I really did not think that he would take the time to go through such a lengthy bit of what one my consider to be simply fan mail, but he did. Not only that, he actually graciously thanked me for my compliments, and again, I came away with a very positive feeling that the guy is simply a very genuine character, and obviously talented.
In his response to me, he did share a little bit of personal background on how his piece "New Beginning" came about. And as you can probably guess, it had a fair amount to do with personal changes.
I thought about his comments over the next couple of weeks as I eased my way through the first month of the new year. I no longer really write out a list of concrete Vorsätze, choosing instead to scribble out some thoughts and ideas of what I would like to experience during the upcoming year. A friend had told me a couple of years back that sometimes it helps not to be so specific when coming up with resolutions or, even, at times, personal goals. But one has to be a little careful, here. I think you need to be specific when making goals, but you have to keep it realistic. Her actual comments were coming on the back of my wishful statement, "I want to read more, this year."
How much more? In comparison to what? Reading WHAT exactly?
This example is perhaps a little off topic, primarily because I already am an avid reader. Thus, reading "more" in my world is relative to my own habits. As it were, through some prodding from my sister, I have started reading some books by a favorite of hers, and I have quickly discovered how much I enjoy this author, myself. In fact, I have already read nine books (out of the series) since the beginning of January. Although there is no way I will be able to continue the pace, I am relishing the new experience, as the author is quite adept at character development, and in addition to some great stories, I now have a whole lot more to think about. That's a good thing.
One thing that I did list as a personal goal for myself this year was to take the next step in exploring the world of voice-overs. For the past couple of years I have spent a fair amount of time researching and trying to experiment, but I hadn't quite got around to taking the next steps.
So, when I got a text from a friend asking me if I would open to doing a project for someone, I jumped at the chance. During the middle of the month, I sat down with the guy who needed the narration of a video he was putting together. We immediately hit it off, and spent the next hour discussing the project and how I would be helping out.
This was EXACTLY the kind of opportunity I had been looking for. A chance to get started, putting my voice to something that would be publicly shown and shared.
What I found particularly great about this was coming into contact with someone who was willing to give me an opportunity, despite my lack of experience. And not just because my lack of experience put me at the lower end of the compensation scale. Like with almost any job, I am interested in the job itself, with payment (or amount of payment) almost a distant second priority. Sure, I want to be compensated for my work, but to be clear, I have never taken a job just for the salary, no matter how high (or low) the salary has been. There has to be a fit.
My customer and I agreed that I would target completion of the needed audio files by around the end of January. This would allow him to complete his project, get it to the editors, then finalize it for an upcoming conference.
Here I was, at the beginning of 2020, doing stuff that I WANTED to do. And getting started is sometimes where I need the most help.
The rest of the month continued on as I had imagined, somewhat routine, and still full of the same old frustrations, particularly with the job and the customer. Days after meeting with my voice-over project customer, I received an email from my work customer, who expressed his intent to visit my repair partner at the end of the month. The customer gave me two tentative dates, one at either end of the working week. This created some coordinating headaches, as he was unable to finalize the actual date of his visit.
I felt a little foolish contacting the hotel to request availability for "maybe Monday through Wednesday," or "maybe Wednesday through Saturday," and was not surprised to get a very friendly, yet clear response from the hotel saying, "Just tell us the DATES that you will be here, and we will see what we can do."
My conversation with my repair partner had gone similarly, but they are used to such plans (or lack there of).
Fortunately, my customer did finally confirm the actual meeting date, and I quickly booked at my favorite hotel in Flensburg and finalized things with the repair partner who would be hosting our visit.
I spent the remainder of the day planning the agenda and preparing for our meeting.
Until my boss called me that afternoon to inform me that he was ending my employment contract.
Ouch.
I was not exactly expecting that to happen, but I also was not totally surprised.
I spent the rest of the day trying to get my head around things. I had a quick call with my father to let him know, then pretty much headed straight for the pub. (where else?)
Luckily, the pub was not full, and even better, not full of idiots. (Excuse the expression, but we all know when we want to be quiet or at least have a moment or two to ourselves, and when that gets disturbed, we tend to get a little wound up. I do, for sure.
I needed the quiet moments to let my emotions catch up with me. What I was feeling was relief. I had finally found a way out of the job that has clearly caused me (unfortunately, if not sadly) too many years of unhappiness. Despite all of that, I had been unable to get myself out of the situation on my own.
Now, the decision was made for me.
That was just a little over three weeks ago, and since then, I have visited my repair partner, met with my customer, gone about my daily and weekly routines, consulted with a lawyer, and registered with the unemployment office. This last item is extremely important for Germany; they are very strict rules on how this process works.
Additionally, I did complete my voice-over project, shared it with my customer, did a couple of retakes, and then we met up for a couple of beers. He actually paid me twice as much as he initially intended, on the grounds that he was that impressed.
That was great.
We actually talked about my current situation, as I shared with him the unique events that had transpired since he and I last met. I was already feeling pretty good about the new change, and was able to communicate this to him.
Truth be told, I have not gone to great lengths to inform everyone I know of the new chapter that is about to start. While I am feeling very positive and relieved about things, I certainly have my moments where I am feeling a bit cloudy. For sure, I would have preferred to have made this decision on my own. But, I cannot change what happened, and so I accept it and move on.
As I went about my routine these past weeks, I traded a few texts, etc with various people. I was fortunate to have Pablo sending me random bits just because. He had no idea what I was going through, and therefore, had no idea how much it meant to receive his messages. For example, one evening I started a conversation with some folks about the last full album we had listened to, front to back.
In my circles, many of us talk about music with great regularity. Somehow, Pablo was an ocean apart and right there in the conversation, and that was just fucking cool.
For now, it's kind of business as usual for me, since I am under contract until the end of April. Obviously, there are lots of questions, but there are also lots of answers.
I am actually feeling a little like I did when I finished at Austin College; that summer of 1992 was just the start of something totally exciting and unknown, filled more with dreams (and beer and hours spent in the pool halls and rock clubs) than anything else.
And, the months at the end of 2005 and start of 2006, when I finished my job in the states, to go off and start a new adventure in Spain (which led me to Germany, of course).
Both of those moments were milestones for me, and wonderful experiences.
Now, I get to do something very similar, again. And I am smiling about it. And laughing.
And sleeping better. And feeling good about the upcoming surprises that will certainly be happening in the weeks and months to come.
It's difficult to express, and this post certainly doesn't do a brilliant job of it, but never mind.
It's a new beginning.
see you out there
bryan
This time around, I gave the update about the little concert I got to play for my Grandmother over the holidays, and how most of my set included songs from the composer, and particularly my new "tied for first" favorite, New Beginning.
The email that I had written the guy was long, and even included a link to one of my posts from last year when I mentioned the particular piece. I really did not think that he would take the time to go through such a lengthy bit of what one my consider to be simply fan mail, but he did. Not only that, he actually graciously thanked me for my compliments, and again, I came away with a very positive feeling that the guy is simply a very genuine character, and obviously talented.
In his response to me, he did share a little bit of personal background on how his piece "New Beginning" came about. And as you can probably guess, it had a fair amount to do with personal changes.
I thought about his comments over the next couple of weeks as I eased my way through the first month of the new year. I no longer really write out a list of concrete Vorsätze, choosing instead to scribble out some thoughts and ideas of what I would like to experience during the upcoming year. A friend had told me a couple of years back that sometimes it helps not to be so specific when coming up with resolutions or, even, at times, personal goals. But one has to be a little careful, here. I think you need to be specific when making goals, but you have to keep it realistic. Her actual comments were coming on the back of my wishful statement, "I want to read more, this year."
How much more? In comparison to what? Reading WHAT exactly?
This example is perhaps a little off topic, primarily because I already am an avid reader. Thus, reading "more" in my world is relative to my own habits. As it were, through some prodding from my sister, I have started reading some books by a favorite of hers, and I have quickly discovered how much I enjoy this author, myself. In fact, I have already read nine books (out of the series) since the beginning of January. Although there is no way I will be able to continue the pace, I am relishing the new experience, as the author is quite adept at character development, and in addition to some great stories, I now have a whole lot more to think about. That's a good thing.
One thing that I did list as a personal goal for myself this year was to take the next step in exploring the world of voice-overs. For the past couple of years I have spent a fair amount of time researching and trying to experiment, but I hadn't quite got around to taking the next steps.
So, when I got a text from a friend asking me if I would open to doing a project for someone, I jumped at the chance. During the middle of the month, I sat down with the guy who needed the narration of a video he was putting together. We immediately hit it off, and spent the next hour discussing the project and how I would be helping out.
This was EXACTLY the kind of opportunity I had been looking for. A chance to get started, putting my voice to something that would be publicly shown and shared.
What I found particularly great about this was coming into contact with someone who was willing to give me an opportunity, despite my lack of experience. And not just because my lack of experience put me at the lower end of the compensation scale. Like with almost any job, I am interested in the job itself, with payment (or amount of payment) almost a distant second priority. Sure, I want to be compensated for my work, but to be clear, I have never taken a job just for the salary, no matter how high (or low) the salary has been. There has to be a fit.
My customer and I agreed that I would target completion of the needed audio files by around the end of January. This would allow him to complete his project, get it to the editors, then finalize it for an upcoming conference.
Here I was, at the beginning of 2020, doing stuff that I WANTED to do. And getting started is sometimes where I need the most help.
The rest of the month continued on as I had imagined, somewhat routine, and still full of the same old frustrations, particularly with the job and the customer. Days after meeting with my voice-over project customer, I received an email from my work customer, who expressed his intent to visit my repair partner at the end of the month. The customer gave me two tentative dates, one at either end of the working week. This created some coordinating headaches, as he was unable to finalize the actual date of his visit.
I felt a little foolish contacting the hotel to request availability for "maybe Monday through Wednesday," or "maybe Wednesday through Saturday," and was not surprised to get a very friendly, yet clear response from the hotel saying, "Just tell us the DATES that you will be here, and we will see what we can do."
My conversation with my repair partner had gone similarly, but they are used to such plans (or lack there of).
Fortunately, my customer did finally confirm the actual meeting date, and I quickly booked at my favorite hotel in Flensburg and finalized things with the repair partner who would be hosting our visit.
I spent the remainder of the day planning the agenda and preparing for our meeting.
Until my boss called me that afternoon to inform me that he was ending my employment contract.
Ouch.
I was not exactly expecting that to happen, but I also was not totally surprised.
I spent the rest of the day trying to get my head around things. I had a quick call with my father to let him know, then pretty much headed straight for the pub. (where else?)
Luckily, the pub was not full, and even better, not full of idiots. (Excuse the expression, but we all know when we want to be quiet or at least have a moment or two to ourselves, and when that gets disturbed, we tend to get a little wound up. I do, for sure.
I needed the quiet moments to let my emotions catch up with me. What I was feeling was relief. I had finally found a way out of the job that has clearly caused me (unfortunately, if not sadly) too many years of unhappiness. Despite all of that, I had been unable to get myself out of the situation on my own.
Now, the decision was made for me.
That was just a little over three weeks ago, and since then, I have visited my repair partner, met with my customer, gone about my daily and weekly routines, consulted with a lawyer, and registered with the unemployment office. This last item is extremely important for Germany; they are very strict rules on how this process works.
Additionally, I did complete my voice-over project, shared it with my customer, did a couple of retakes, and then we met up for a couple of beers. He actually paid me twice as much as he initially intended, on the grounds that he was that impressed.
That was great.
We actually talked about my current situation, as I shared with him the unique events that had transpired since he and I last met. I was already feeling pretty good about the new change, and was able to communicate this to him.
Truth be told, I have not gone to great lengths to inform everyone I know of the new chapter that is about to start. While I am feeling very positive and relieved about things, I certainly have my moments where I am feeling a bit cloudy. For sure, I would have preferred to have made this decision on my own. But, I cannot change what happened, and so I accept it and move on.
As I went about my routine these past weeks, I traded a few texts, etc with various people. I was fortunate to have Pablo sending me random bits just because. He had no idea what I was going through, and therefore, had no idea how much it meant to receive his messages. For example, one evening I started a conversation with some folks about the last full album we had listened to, front to back.
In my circles, many of us talk about music with great regularity. Somehow, Pablo was an ocean apart and right there in the conversation, and that was just fucking cool.
For now, it's kind of business as usual for me, since I am under contract until the end of April. Obviously, there are lots of questions, but there are also lots of answers.
I am actually feeling a little like I did when I finished at Austin College; that summer of 1992 was just the start of something totally exciting and unknown, filled more with dreams (and beer and hours spent in the pool halls and rock clubs) than anything else.
And, the months at the end of 2005 and start of 2006, when I finished my job in the states, to go off and start a new adventure in Spain (which led me to Germany, of course).
Both of those moments were milestones for me, and wonderful experiences.
Now, I get to do something very similar, again. And I am smiling about it. And laughing.
And sleeping better. And feeling good about the upcoming surprises that will certainly be happening in the weeks and months to come.
It's difficult to express, and this post certainly doesn't do a brilliant job of it, but never mind.
It's a new beginning.
see you out there
bryan
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