The temperatures in Germany this past week were above 30 degrees Celsius (high 90s for the Farenheit crowd), which was rather unpleasant. However, I am always a bit embarrassed to comment, since it has been much warmer in Texas (and everywhere in the states, for that matter), still is much warmer in Texas, and will remain much warmer for at least three more months. Thus, I really cannot complain.
As it were, I was in various parts of Germany during the week, and fortunate to be in hotels that had air conditioning, so I was able to sleep fairly well (and cool). Friday was the "hot" day, which actually prompted my mother, who is currently celebrating her birthday with a week in "wonderfully cool" northern California, to send me a text to inquire as to whether we were ok. Mom gets concerned when the temperature gets too warm, as she knows I have a tendency to sweat profusely as soon as the temperature rises above 70 degrees F.
Yesterday afternoon the rain returned, making things a bit sticky and humid, but the rain continued steadily (if not heavily) through the night, and I woke up this morning to a rather quiet, cool Sunday. Highs in the mid 70s, lows in the mid 50s. Nicht schlecht.
The rain that continues this morning is quite peaceful, and I am glad to have a nice rain jacket to protect me when I am out and about. Erm....
Said rain jacket was a rather high quality gift from the company I joined about a year and a half ago. I quite like the jacket, but was a bit annoyed that the company logo was embroidered on the sleeve. I am one of those guys that refuses to wear the company uniform (Alberton's, It's Your Store, being the one exception), and have never liked seeing a bunch of folks at a trade show all wearing the company polo.
While this small nuisance was always in the back of mind when I wore my jacket on trips, I had never quite considered what I would do should I ever stop working for the company.
As part of life's surprises, I was informed about four weeks ago that my position had been outsourced to another company and I basically had two options: take the new job (which kept all the terms of my previous contract in place (salary, benefits, etc), or be made redundant.
Hmmmmmm.
On the surface, the decision seemed pretty obvious. I took a day or two to get over the surprise, as well to discuss the topic with other colleagues who were in the exact same situation. While several colleagues found reasons why they were not so keen, I quickly realized the opportunities and the chance to play in another sandbox. Thus, I signed the new contract, and am now about to begin my third working week with a new employer.
The job itself pretty much remains the same. However, the tasks will become somewhat more challenging as we are an additional link in the supply chain. Things are far from settled, and I expect it to be a choppy ride in the months to come.
Sure, over the past frantic weeks I have taken a few minutes to reflect. Ultimately, my biggest irritation is that I once again was pushed onto the back foot and was not in control of my employment. For the second time since I have come to Germany, I have been pushed into another situation where I have to react quickly; I would much prefer to be more on the forefoot, creating my own opportunities, thus holdiing a bit more control with my personal and professional life.
But it can't always be like that, can it?
True, but I also note that perhaps it was my complacency that causes this irritation.
I am aware that in my personal life, I am less trusting and certainly more guarded. Most of this is due to my lack of self confidence. This can hinder my career progression from time to time, but on an ironic note, I do tend to stand up and speak out in the workplace, and over the years my experiences and efforts have earned me quite a bit of respect.
I already recognize that with this new company, and I know that I am able to play in this space. There are not that many of us that seem to paddle around happily in the deep end of the pool, one filled with sharks and piranhas.
This new employer is quite a bit smaller than my previous one. This is also a very positive thing, because I will be able to drive change faster and more effectively than before.
I will skip the rest of my little pros/cons list (that is written in a notebook somewhere) and simply say that this new change in my life will be interesting and ok, going so far as to say that the lyrics to "La Vida en la Frontera" seem rather fitting. This is a good feeling. Regarding the rain jacket, I was able to make a minor modification to the sleeve, using the help of a Sharpie pen that I bought.
Although I have not written a post in months (despite the requests), I have toyed with various themes, and will actually touch on a couple of them now.
Three months ago I started playing piano again, and wow, what a train wreck. My left hand was initially useless, which proved to be most frustrating. However, I picked up some practice books and tend to find several hours a week where I sit down and play. The enjoyment is almost indescribable. (side note - yesterday I recorded a couple of tracks with both piano and lyrics and I must say that the results were bloody awful. Back to the practice room.)
Simply having a piano close by helps with my motivation and creativity. Of course I play a lot of the old stuff that could be heard regularly from Little Goliad, but I have found a few new songs to try, and so far the results are positive. With a bit of luck, I might even collaborate with a few folks in the coming months; the local Rockabilly shop owner has a band and needs help with a couple of tracks.
We will see.
Though I would quickly argue against the statement, "I am in a rut," I would concede that motivation and enthusiasm are two things that have been absent in my life for most of the year. Of course the return of the piano has helped immmensely. However, even the 88s has not prevented some down time and some very unpleasant moments of anxiety, particularly on Sundays.
Times like these can be rather difficult for anyone, and I know that I am certainly not alone with these feelings. But, how one copes with this tends to be an individual effort. Hence my "psych it up" moments, which I must say have created some rather cool stream of consciousness piano tracks.
Though these "psych it up" moments usually work for me, I do notice that they do not always the same level of effectiveness as they did 10 or maybe 20 year ago. While frustrating, I do understand that life changes over time, and perhaps more significantly, I have changed over time.
There are four little quotes that came from an old calendar I received years ago that I have on a little space in my kitchen, where I can always see them.
I appreciate the constant reminders, but have struggled with one of the quotes.
"Hope is always about possible future."
For most of the year, I have relied less and less on hope. This is tricky. I will be the first to stand up and say, "hey, not the wisest thing you are doing in your life, living it with less hope," but currently, it is what it is.
Meanwhile, I do find opportunties in which I feel compelled to try and help motivate others, both in professional and personal environments. Sometimes, though, I wonder how my efforts come across. Do they help at all? Sometimes I am not sure.
I find a lot of my strength in others, and use this to help motivate myself, knowing that those that I interact with are often unaware of how significant this is to me. Many times it is simply their postive reactions, other times it is merely their comforting mannerisms.
Last week in Munich I met some new colleagues as I went through the office. Obviously the introductions were all pretty much in German, despite the fact that everyone noticed my non German name. With one colleague from Madrid, I inexplicably switched into Spanish, much to their delight. (mine, too, for that matter as my Spanish needs work).
A couple of weeks ago, I received a random email from someone working at my old college. He wanted to get my feedback on my collegiate experience. I phoned the guy up and was amazed that I started gushing about all of the wonderful experiences my education gave me: the lifelong friends, the intelligence, the ability to put up with the kind of experiences I am encountering currently, etc. The guy listened closely to my story, of how I managed to get over to Europe, change jobs a couple of times, learn a couple of languages, and so on. He was really positive in his feedback, and it felt great to be so overwhelmed with so many postive memories all at once.
Those of us who graduated from this school can fully appreciate the experience, and we have discussed how much it means to us over the years. Sure, most of us rarely put on an AC sweatshirt or dream of a bacon roo on a regular basis, but still, 20 years later, it is an amazing feeling. Those brief four years helped develop us to what and who we are now.
And who am I?
I am the guy who still listens to Bob Mould on a regular basis, and appreciates the meaning of "The Act we Act" as a mantra, just like "keeping the faith."
With a quick glance on my kitchen wall, I read one of the other quotes.
"Some pursue happienss, others CREATE it."
Here's to creativity.
see you out there.
bryan
