You'd think that I could find 30 minutes to jot down a few lines at this site once every couple of weeks, but the reality of it all is nope, no chance.
The past two months have been choc full of anxiety, stress, heartache, headaches, but a whole lot of fun, too.
June flew by for me; it was actually a pretty enthusiastic time around the office. Sure, we had no site manager and motivation for the employees was a bit grim, but the European Championships were on, and that meant that every night for about three weeks, everyone was tuned in watching football.
I knew I would be supporting Spain from the onset, but was excited by the enthusiasm of everyone around me. Germany had a pretty good tournament, and every pub and restaurant was packed when they played. Most establishments put at least one flat screen TV out on the terrace for patrons to view. My own knipe tended to have at two going at all times. During half time, we'd play foosball to amuse ourselves.
During the week around the shop, we'd discuss the matches and tended to give someone a hard time whenever possible. Our operations manager is Dutch, so earlier in the tourney, he was feeling pretty cocky.
One of the supervisors on my repair line is Italian, so he certainly had a few things to say, also.
Through it all, I quietly pointed out that Spain was looking better and better. Though I wore my kit often, I was secretly terrified that Spain, like they've done in the past 4-5 major tournaments, would crash out in fantastic style.
I began to think it was possible they could go all the way right after Spain beat Russia in the semi final. OK, the forklift driver at work tried to mow me down (he's Russian) after that win, but I pointed out that it was a deserved victory.
It was a bit tense in the pub for the final: Germany had their sights set on the trophy, and I believe were a little bit over confident. Several folks I talked to had mentioned that they weren't too concerned about Spain, and I hoped for a good result.
The reward came Torres scored a brilliant goal over Lehmann. I felt a bit sheepish as I jumped up and started whooping and clapping, but that's football, kids.
Post match, many people came to congratulate me, which I thought was very sportsmanlike. Most every German I've talked to about the game since has said the same thing. The best team won the tournament.
It certainly made for a fast paced June, and my confidence was really zipping along. Work was seemingly better (despite the fact that there are only 3 managers in the site), the customer feedback was a bit more positive, and once again, I almost convinced myself that everything was going to be great.
Wrong.
No sooner had I returned from Brussels at the end of June from a business review, then suddenly everything went south.
The very next week after the meeting, we experienced a 35% sickness rate (hmmm, nothing demotivating going on here) which resulted in us accumulating an impressive backlog quicker than you could say, "please fire me, cos' this sucks."
The week after that, we received volumes about 30% higher than we'd anticipated, resulting in more backlog.
Germany has loads of vacation days. Not surprisingly, most employees like to take three weeks during summer with their kids. We normally try to plan for this, but I've realized that two years in a row that we must really be idiots in this area. I've got more guys hanging out at the beach than I've got on a bench.
In short, July has been one big nightmare. Two weeks ago, I really thought I was going to have to walk away from everything, which wasn't a very exciting thought. Sure, the relief of not having to put up with the bullshit any more was tempting. However, that would mean that I'd suddenly be without papers, which I found annoyingly ironic, being that I'd just gotten an unlimited contract.
At any rate, I sat myself down last Sunday afternoon on a terrace, plugged in the ipod, and wrote myself multiple lists about a variety of topics. What should I do for a plan B? What country do I head for next? Do I really want to stay in this business? And many more...
Though I didn't find all the answers, I did manage to bring a bit of sanity back to my life, and entered this past week feeling only downright horrible. That was quite the improvement over the previous week, where I'd debated whether or not throwing myself infront of an U-Bahn would be less painful than throwing myself in front of the S-Bahn.
In seriousness, finding that peace enabled me to continue the daily battles, realizing full well that NO ONE can possibly manage all the logistics lanes that we utilize, along with trying to keep the repair program from sinking any further, all while training a couple of new employees about the finer points of notebook repair customer service. Throw in a few heated conversations with the finance manager who is equally frustrated that the program can't seem to break even.
Certainly not in these circumstances.
At any rate, it's not so much that I'm indifferent to it all. It's more like I'm through worrying about all the stuff that I can't control. (man, talk about a mythical joy division album that went horribly wrong). I accept anything that comes down the pipe, and hopefully I'll be able to keep myself from getting a faceful.
The future is uncertain, and will likely remain that way for the next few months. We may lose the repair site, which will make for quite a bit more excitement and stress. Yippee.
Thus, it's with loads of craziness in my life that I find myself two weeks away from a quick stateside trip. Though I'm excited about going, I'll encounter a fair amount of anxiety as we go off on a 5 day family reunion in Missouri. That will severely limit my time in Dallas, which nerves me just a bit.
That said, I look forward to any brief moments I will get to spend with anyone who is about. We'll get it sorted somehow, some way. Like the Spanish said through the whole of the EM, "Podemos."
keep the faith
bryan
soundtrack:
Alphaville - To Germany With Love
Camouflage - That Smiling Face
The Damned - Psychomania
Moenia - Me Equivoque
Nitzer Ebb - Let Your Body Learn
