So after a few weeks struggle, I finally find myself putting pen to paper again. No need to ask forgiveness; I've just been busy.
After many months of planning and preparation, my grandfather and step-grandmother completed an emotionally and physically exhausting move to consolidate a large home in North Carolina and a large home in Dallas into a small home in Dallas. I have to imagine that it's got to be very difficult to leave your home after so many years, so many memories. Alas, as you get older, downsizing to a smaller habitat in which you can better manage your independence is sometimes necessary.
No sooner had Daddy Monk and Twila settled into their new north Dallas habitat, my grandmother from Dallas announced her intent to follow suit. After many years in the same house near Preston and Royal, she will be moving to an apartment in the nearby area in order to be closer to her friends, have less headaches involving maintaining a house that is starting to need more and more repairs.
I've spent a lot of time reflecting on these significant changes over the past few weeks. As a grandchild, I don't particularly like the idea that my grandparents no longer live in their houses that I'm familiar with, particularly my Grandmommy. I've only known her one house in my lifetime.
True, the happy memories of going over the hills and through the woods to grandparents house will remain happy memories. My own selfishness aside, though, I wonder how my grandparents are dealing with their changes...leaving their homes after so many years.
In my own life, despite my tendency to bounce around a bit, I make my own attchments, mostly mental, to people, places, and every once in a while, to things. Take the past nine months, for example. I have lived in Meliana with Lynne, Fran, and Daniel. Let it be said that their place is perfectly suited for three, and as we moved through 2006, the house got smaller, and I got bigger. Though I didn't really want to be there, preferring my own independence, I LIKED being there, feeling the attachment of family and a sense of home.
Unfortunately, circumstances throughout summer and fall made things incredibly difficult. Difficult for me to leave, and frustrating for everyone that I continued to stay. Ultimately, with a great rush of relief, Lynne and Fran secured some immediate short term solution for me, and by the first of November, I was living in Alboraya in an apartment of my own.
For the first week in my new place, I dealt with the guilt and frustrations of having overstayed my welcome with Lynne and Fran. It was never my intent, yet I somehow couldn't avoid it. I should have found a better way instead of imposing on family way too long. For that, I am truly sorry.
As I pushed through the guilt, I also dealt with the new environment, one away from family that I'm close to. Sure, it is more quiet, but part of that is because there's no stereo in the flat. No pizza and movie nights, no wake up hugs from a nephew, no terrace top smokes. All of these are good memories from casa de Tomas Trenor.
How funny that I become attached to situations like these.
How funny that I think about these memories while sitting in a conference room in Weiterstadt, Germany.
On top of the moves and changes I've already made this year, it appears I'm not quite through. I'm a couple of weeks away from a work visa, and with that comes a return to the chaos, excitement, and challenge of program management, this time with the new twist of the job being in Deutschland.
October really was a pensive month for me. I really like Spain, and I'm sorry to be leaving just when I'm starting to feel settled with friends, the language, and a new apartment. But, the opportunity to have employement in a capacity that suits me better...how can I pass that up, especially when it's somewhat tailored to my needs?
I'm certainly excited about this opportunity, and it's finally hitting me as I sit in some crap office park in suburban Franfurt. This will be where I live for the next six months as I do the project I've been hired to do.
I've got tons of decisions to make in the coming days and weeks, but I'm rising to the challenge. Hell, I might be toodling around Bavaria in a VW blaring Alphaville before the end of the year. I feel that I'm off to a relatively good start after meeting some new colleagues. Everyone seems most friendly and eager to help me settle, even when I've slipped into spanish once or twice, not counting the time I said joder in the taxi on the way from the airport; the cab driver covered 35 km in about 8 minutes.
It's hard to leave, but I've got to go. Fortunately, the attachment I've made with Spain is in place, and will remain in place. I think it's a good thing that I feel so sad to leave Valencia. It shows me how much I've enjoyed this experience.
keep the faith
bryan
Feldstrasse 16
Weiterstadt
soundtrack
Alphaville - Forever Young
Madness - Our House
38 Special - Hold On Loosely (But Don't Let Go)
Bouncing Souls - True Believer
Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The Impression That I Get
Joe Jackson - Steppin' Out
